The Beliebers Ain’t Got Shit On These People

June 21, 2013 / Posted by:

The Beliebers probably think that they are the champions of causing chaos whenever they’re in the presence of their Canadian Fetus Jesus, but new challengers have arrived and snatched the title away from them. Thousands of people showed up to Shanghai University to see David Beckham in a demonstration match with the school’s soccer team and when the gate to the stadium opened, they went crazy and trampled all over each other. I guess nobody told them that the year is not 2002 and Becks showed up fully clothed.

They lost it like they were in the audience of Oprah’s Favorite Things and Oprah announced that her favorite things are Jon Hamm’s Hammaconda, Prince Hot Ginge’s pubes, a case of Jell-O 1-2-3, a vial full of Alexis Carrington’s bathwater and the lost final episode of Footballers Wives. If they were wearing KKK hoodies, I’d guess that it was a Klan meeting and Paula Deen was just announced as the special guest speaker. It’s like they’re doing a dramatization of the entire Internet seconds after everyone found out that Kim and Kanye really did name their baby North West.

In North Korea today, Kim Jong-un is showing this clip to his people to teach them how to greet him from now on. If someone isn’t almost getting trampled to death while saying “hello” to him, it’s not good enough.

The Telegraph says that several people were injured and 5 people had to go to the hospital. 5 people going to the hospital over trying to see Becks in the year 2013 is a sad thing, but something good did come out of it. Somebody did lose their Crocs during all of the insanity (at the 0:59 mark). Whenever a pair of Crocs gets abandoned on the street and is destined to live the rest of its life as a toilet for pigeons, the world is an inch closer to becoming a better place.

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