You’ll Have To Wait Until January Jones’ Memoirs Are Released To Find Out Who Her Baby’s Father Is

May 20, 2013 / Posted by:

When January Jones got knocked up and wouldn’t say who she made a baby with, Merv Griffin Productions almost greenlit the “Who’s January Jones’ Baby Father?” game show and Maury Povich told friends (no, he didn’t) that his career isn’t complete until he says “YOU ARE THE FATHER” to the true father of her baby. “Who shot a load of baby batter up into January Jones’ ovaries?” became the biggest question since “Who shot JR?” Some guessed Jason Sudeikis, some guessed Bobby Flay and some guessed (and got threatened with a lawsuit for it) Matthew Vaughn. January Jones never said, and in an interview with The New York Times, the iceberg with blond hair says that it’s really nobody’s business.

“That’s my son’s business. It’s not the public’s business.

Jack Nicholson once told me: ‘You should never give your personal life away, otherwise people will pick you apart. They’ll never believe in your character. Women should have lots of secrets. It’s our right to have secrets. Otherwise, what would we write in our memoirs?”

What I’m taking that to mean is that Jack Nicholson is probably the father. What I’m also taking that to mean is that January Jones won’t tell us if Jack Nicholson is the father or not until she can’t even get cast as a park statue in a Lifetime movie and has to get attention by writing the name of her son’s father in her memoirs. Bitch is thinking ahead.

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