Don’t Screw With Helen Mirren, Especially When She’s Dressed Up As The Queen

Helen Mirren left her home in London today wearing a t-shirt promoting As One In The Park, a huge LGBT festival, but the other day she was slapping those loud bitches down outside of the theater where she’s currently performing as THE QUEEN in a play called The Audience. And Helen did it in costume. So until now, I didn’t know that one of my goals in life is to get bitched out by Helen Mirren dragged up as THE QUEEN!

The Daily Telegraph says that during Saturday night’s performance of The Audience, a troupe of drummers from As One In The Park were right outside of the theater loudly beating their shit to promote the festival. Helen tells the Telegraph that toward the end of the first half, the loud drumming pounded its way into her ear holes and it made it hard for her to perform. Helen went on and finished the first act, but during intermission, she came outside and verbally cunt punted (copyright: that crazy sorority chick) the drummers while still in costume as Queen Elizabeth II. You really haven’t lived until you’ve seen a queen curse out a bunch of queens on the streets.

Sky News has an extremely clear and sharp video of Helen pointing around while telling those loud asses that they are interrupting an Olivier Award-winning performance!

One witness said that Helen told them to fuck off and continued to slap their ears with beautiful curse word after beautiful curse word. Helen explained it like this:

“I’m afraid there were a few ‘thespian’ words used. They got a very stern royal ticking off but I have to say they were very sweet and they stopped immediately. I felt rotten but on the other hand they were destroying our performance so something had to be done. The drumming just slowly got louder and louder and then settled right outside the stage door. There was just a thin wall between drumming and the theatre so it was unbelievably loud on stage. Paul Ritter and I could hardly hear each other speak and the audience couldn’t hear us speak at all. 

We were doing this last scene of the first act where the Queen is being told she is going to lose Britannia [the royal yacht], it’s quite an emotional scene. I thought, we can’t carry on like this, they have to stop. I was so upset from struggling through the scene with Paul that I literally walked straight off stage, straight up the stairs and straight out the stage door and banged my way through the crowd who were watching and said ‘stop, you’ve got to stop right now’ only I might have used stronger language than that. They were very sweet and stopped the minute they knew I wasn’t just a batty old woman haranguing them on the streets of Soho on a Saturday night.”

Helen also said that she’s going to find the drummers and give them free tickets to the show.

Why in the hell would those drummers want free tickets when they already watched a private sidewalk performance that was probably better and more theatrical than anything in that play? But really, Helen Mirren should be stripped of her Olivier Award. If you’re going to tell bitches what’s what while dressed as THE QUEEN, then you need to bitch them out as THE QUEEN too. Helen should’ve made Prince Philip hold them down as she beat them with her pocketbook while yelling at her Corgis to bite the skin off their ankles. That’s what the real Queen would’ve done.