George Clooney And Stacy Keibler Are Totally Done This Time, So Says The Sun

March 15, 2013 / Posted by:

Everybody has been saying for a while now that the expiration date on Stacy Keibler’s ass is coming up and George Clooney is getting ready to trade her in for a new model. The Sun says Stacy’s expiration date has already come and gone, and after 20 months (which is 500 years in Clooney time) of being George Clooney’s award show accessory, she’s out!

Some source says that they ended things, because George doesn’t want a wedding ring on his finger and he already has one incoherent mess slobbering all over his shoulder (see: a stoned Brad Pitt), so he doesn’t want another one. Stacy eventually wants those things, so they ended their contract. As part of Stacy’s severance package, he gave her an apartment and some jewelry.

You know, some people say that if you want to get married and have kids you shouldn’t screw around with George Clooney. But I say that if you want to get married and you want kids AND you want a brand new condo, you should screw around with George Clooney. Being George Clooney’s escort of the moment is easy. You wear designer gowns, you drink a bunch of free booze at fancy parties and every now and again you get to make out with a topless Cindy Crawford on the deck of a yacht while George and Rande Gerber are downstairs smoking cigars (take that as code for something if you want).

Once you get tired of that, you cash in. When you and George are sitting in the smoking room of his Italian villa and he’s reading the newspaper, all you have to do is say, “So I’m thinking of going off the pi…..” You’ll look over and all you’ll see is a newspaper floating in the air and a bunch of smoke below it, because George busted out of there before you could spit out the two Ls. Then a moving truck with all of your shit in it will pull up to the driveway and his lawyer will make you sign a confidentiality agreement in exchange for keys to your new condo and a key to the bank lock box with a bunch of jooree in it. You’ll have a condo for your baby to live in and you can sell all that jooree to buy diapers. You can have it all! It beats going to college!

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