Open Post: Hosted By A Hatchet-Wielding Homeless Hero

February 4, 2013 / Posted by:

We should all feel a little safer knowing that if we’re ever attacked by a crazed racist who thinks he’s Jesus, a real-life Jeff Spicoli will magically appear and save the day!

KMPH Fox 26 (via Mediaite) brings us this story from Fresno, CA about a psychopath who claimed that he was the reincarnation of Jesus and was trying to rid the world of black people. The crazy racist bitch targeted a PG&E worker, because he was black and rammed a car into him. The KKK’s answer to Jesus pinned the man between his car and a truck and then tried to pull the man out to finish him off. Two women saw the whole thing go down and ran toward the scene to stop Racist Jesus from hurting the man even more. When the women started telling the crazy bitch to leave the man alone, he started attacking one of them and tried to bear hug her to death. Then the dark clouds cleared, lightning flashed and a hitchhiking, hatchet-wielding homeless savior named Kai dropped from the sky to save everyone!

Because this story isn’t crazy enough, Kai happened to be the passenger in the racist Jesus’ truck. The racist Jesus was giving Kai a ride.

Kai jumped out of the truck, pulled out his hatchet and became the anti-Christ when he started smashing on the racist Jesus. The police showed up, arrested the racist Jesus and the PG&E worker was taken to the hospital where he was treated for two broken legs.

Kai’s interview with Fox is perfection from start to finish and is the best thing that has come out of Fox. “Smash, smash, smu-ash!” is the new “Run and tell that!”

And I better see Kai in the next Avengers movie. Thor who?

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