Michael Lohan Never Said That Lindsay Lohan Is A High Paid Escort, So Says Michael Lohan

Earlier today, Radar had a quote from Michael Lohan which proved that he’s a caring, wonderful father who wants nothing but the best for his daughter. Did I type “nothing but the best for his daughter“? I meant to type “nothing but a check.” My mistake. Radar quoted Michael Lohan as saying that rich men pay Lindsay Lohan hundreds of thousands of dollars to “date” them and that White Oprah is her pimp. It was my first DUH! of the day.

A different source also told Radar that LiLo is an escort who gets paid to be “arm candy” to really rich dudes. Prince Haji Abdul Azim, who is known for paying celebrities to be his friend, paid LiLo $100,000 sit at his New Year’s Eve party in London. The source also said that rich artist Domingo Zapata lets LiLo stay for free at his penthouse at the Bowery Hotel in NYC and has given her the keys to his place at Chateau Marmont in L.A. The rich dudes pay for all expenses and give her expensive gifts. The source says they don’t know if White Oprah also takes a price gun to Lindsay Lohan’s snatch, because they don’t know if her freckled biscuit is for sale too.

Yes, “arm candy to really rich dudes.” I typed that. Bitch probably thinks she’s a diamond-studded dark chocolate truffle wrapped in gold foil made from actual gold, but she’s really a dusty bag of Circus Peanuts lying on a shelf in the back of a Rite-Aid.

But don’t go looking to see how Lindsay Lohan’s escort services rated on Yelp, because Michael Lohan tells TMZ that he never called her a whore and says that she’s not selling low-grade cooch at high-end prices:

“By absolutely NO MEANS did I ever make such a statement … EVER! Sure, Lindsay and [other celebs] make personal appearances and get paid for it! Sure, she and they get paid to go to birthday parties and other occasions! But for sex? Are you kidding me? I would never say that because she would NEVER do that and it NEVER happened!”

I believe that Michael Lohan never said that to Radar. I mean, Michael probably gets a cut of LiLo’s escort money, so why would he call her out? Michael doesn’t want the IRS knocking on his door to get a cut of his cut. Michael might have molten coke rocks for brains, but he’s not stupid enough to mess with his cash flow. A good pimp never tells.