Jodie Foster Sort Of Comes Out As A Gayelle At The Golden Globes

Jodie Foster has been the FourSquare Mayor of the Glass Closet for what feels like centuries and she’s sort of dropped hints here and there about how she likes to slurp on lady clit, but at the Golden Globes tonight she fully came out as a card-carrying member of Home Depot. I think. Jodie got the Cecil B. DeMille Award at the Golden Globes and during her rambling speech she name dropped Honey Boo Boo, introduced the dude who co-parents her kids, retired from acting and then she let the coochie out of the bag. I didn’t know if I was the one on shrooms or if Jodie Foster was the one on shrooms? Or both!

Jodie went on about how she came out to her friends and family a million years ago, but that was before hos declared “YUP, I’M GAY!” on the cover of People Magazine, so she never told the public. And then she name checked Honey Boo Boo. via Towleroad

“I already did my coming out about a thousand years ago, back in the stone age. In those very quaint days when a fragile young girl would open up to trusted friends, and family, coworkers and then gradually, proudly, to everyone who knew her. To everyone she actually met. But now, apparently I’m told, that every celebrity is expected to honor the details of their private life with a press conference, a fragrance and a primetime reality show. You guys might be surprised, but I’m not Honey Boo Boo child.”

Do I laugh? Do I cry? Do I let out a “DUH?!” Do I praise St. Rojo Caliente for Jodie finally declaring her love of snatch? I don’t know what to do, because I don’t know what was going on in that speech. I’ll just do what Mel Gibson did:

Yes, that’s Mel’s “Wait, I worked with a lesbian?” face.

But seriously, that is how you come out. You come out in a rambling, magical and weird coming out speech where you namedrop Honey Boo Boo. Congrats to Jodie and congrats to Honey Boo Boo!