The Turkey Community Finally Gets Revenge On Martha Stewart

December 6, 2012 / Posted by:

Every Thanksgiving, Martha Stewart handles a whole lot of raw turkeys with her bare hands. Martha massages a raw turkey on the Today show, she manhandles many unprotected turkeys bareback-style during other appearances and she slaps her assistants on the ass with a raw turkey when they do wrong. This year, handling all that raw turkey caught up with Martha and put her on the sick bed for a while. Martha caught raw meat’s answer to the flu: salmonella. While looking at some painting at Art Basel in Miami yesterday, Martha told Page Six all about how she had to cancel her life when she got salmonella.

“I never get sick, but I came down with salmonella. I think I caught it because I was handling so many turkeys around Thanksgiving. I was on the ‘Today’ show, I did a number of other [Thanksgiving] appearances. It really hit me hard and I was in bed for days. It was terrible. I lost some weight, though.

Anne Hathaway just slapped herself. Anne literally starved herself for 13 straight days to look like a malnourished urchin (and to win that Oscar) and she could’ve easily got sickly skinny just by making out with raw turkeys.

And I’m sure Martha won’t make the same mistake again next Thanksgiving. Next year, she’s going to chop off one of her assistant’s hands and use those hands to handle raw turkeys. Lesson learned.

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