From The “I Quit This Bitch” Files: Lindsay Lohan’s Publicist Dumped Her

October 25, 2012 / Posted by:

Because telling the opposite of the truth so much made him feel like he was running for office, Lindsay Lohan’s spokeswhore Steve Honig told her to take the job and shove it up her ass. To which Lindsay Lohan said, “His name is Job? That means he’s Jewish, right? Okay, but I hope you told him anal costs extra.”

E! News says that last night Steven Honig told Lindsay Lohan that he was professionally done with being her official lie teller and no matter what she says, he can’t deposit the 8-balls she pays with him into his 401k and expect it to collect interest. Steve didn’t say why he quit LiLo after 2 years of insanity, but TMZ thinks they know why. They heard that after Steve publicly said he wasn’t in on LiLo’s intervention, Michael Lohan harassed him in text messages. If Steve wanted to get shat on by a turtle, he’d get a job at the Playboy Mansion, so he said BYE BITCH BYE to LiLo to escape her dad.

Okay, so we’re really supposed to believe that Steve quit because of one Michael Lohan text and not because Lindsay Lohan is fucking crazy. Whatever, but you know, it’s Steve Honig’s loss and he will regret this.

Steve Honig has 12-pack abs and he hasn’t been to a gym in 2 years. Steve Honig got that 12-pack from laughing non-stop at all the ridiculous shit that LiLo would make him say to the media. Steve Honig has a b-hole that’s so tight and strong he can use it to suck a nail out of a piece of wood. Steve Honig got that tight strong b-hole from clenching it every time his cell phone would burn up with calls from the media after LiLo fucked up for the ten millionth time. Steve Honig has the smoothest crotch of smoothest crotches and he got it from sticking his fingers through a hole in his pant pocket to pluck out his pubes one by one to deal with White Oprah.

So now Steve Honig has to pay for a gym membership and anal rejuvenation and crotch waxing. BIG MISTAKE!

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