“Shut Your Little…. Don’t Make Me Get The Spoon Out!”
A few years ago, bitches lost their minds and called all the numbers to Child Protective Services when Kate “The Kunt” Gosselin was caught by the paps spanking a member of her child army on the driveway of her house. Well, a reporter named Robert Hoffman tells Star Magazine (via Radar) that Kate got a lot more hardcore than just a spank on the nalgas. Mady, Ady, Pady and the rest of the Gosselin children don’t have to worry about writing a Mommie Dearest-like tell-all in 15 years, because apparently Kate kept diaries where she wrote all about how she whooped some 2-year-old ass.
Robert is writing his own book (DUH) called Kate Gosselin: How She Fooled The World and he wrote it using some of Kate’s journals that he somehow got a hold of (SPOILER ALERT: Her old possum head hair betrayed her by giving them to him). Robert says that in one entry, Kate writes that when the kids ate some M&Ms without asking, she pulled Collin up by the hair and spanked him into a different race and back again. In another entry, Kate wrote about how she regularly used a wooden spoon that she called The Spanker. And Radar goes on with the fuckery:
Kate herself often worried about her excessive physicality, allegedly writing in the diary that she told her ex-husband, Jon Gosselin, that she “felt like I may hurt his children,” and that she preferred it when the kids were “out of her sight” whenever she flew off the handle, because then she knew “that they are safe.”
In another frightening entry, claims Hoffman, Kate wrote that she was so incensed after Collin threw a tantrum, “I sent him to his crib and whipped him into it very hard…I never felt that I may really seriously injure a child, but today was that day.”
In an abuelita’s belt of whoopin’ tools, I’ve seen a rubber chancla, a leather chancla, several kinds of belts, electrical cords, a switch and tree branches of all sizes, but I don’t think I’ve ever seen a wooden spoon. You know, Kate Gosselin is an evil, greedy bitch who would repeatedly punch a baby bunny if someone told her it was filled with quarters, so none of this is surprising, but I have a question about the wooden spoon thing. Does she have a special spoon she uses just for spanking or does she use the same one she mixes cake batter and oatmeal with? Because if it’s the latter, that’s just unhygienic and barbaric!