Prince William And Duchess Kate Celebrate Their Victory Over Closer Magazine By Busting Out Some Sweet Moves

Two British royal smackdowns took place today. First, THE QUEEN beat her advisors and travel agents with her pocketbook, because if she took the trip to the Soloman Islands instead of Prince William and Duchess Kate, she would’ve been the one being carried on a throne by a harem of shirtless man pieces. Second, Prince William and Duchess Kate’s lawyers were in court in France this morning to stop Closer from continuing to publish pictures of the royal nipple plates everybody has already seen, and they won.

The BBC says that a French judge ruled that Closer can’t print anymore issues with Kate’s chichis on them and they have to hand over all digital copies of the pictures. If they don’t hand the pictures over within 24 hours, they will be fined 10,000 euros a day. The judge said this after slapping down Closer Magazine and for a much more dramatic effect, read this in Highlander’s French accent:

“These snapshots which showed the intimacy of a couple, partially naked on the terrace of a private home, surrounded by a park several hundred metres from a public road, and being able to legitimately assume that they are protected from passers-by, are by nature particularly intrusive.”

Closer and the pap who took the pictures both face criminal charges and the French court has hired Inspector Jacques Clouseau to investigate this. The ruling only covers France and doesn’t affect Italy’s Chi Magazine  (they should’ve temporarily called it Chichis Magazine for this very special edition) and Ireland’s Irish Daily Star who both published the pictures. Chi’s editor isn’t afraid of getting sued, but the editor of the Irish Daily Star has been suspended and the newspaper’s co-owner might shut that shit down.

The blurry pictures of Kate’s half-risen soufflé titties will live forever on the Internet and in our brains, but I will gladly forget I ever saw them and never speak of them ever again if the royal family makes a fair trade. I’ll glamour out the memory of seeing Kate’s tits for blurry pictures of Prince Hot Ginge’s royal ginger rod taken 300 yards away with a Fisher Price toy camera. Or I’ll trade them for a picture of PHG holding a Flaming Hot Cheeto puff on his crotch. I’m not picky. While THE QUEEN thinks over this offer, let’s dance (ff to the 2:09 mark):

It’s like watching my abuelita try to Vogue after taking one sip of sweet wine. Slay the beat, Willy!