BREAKING: Amanda Bynes Took A Cab

September 18, 2012 / Posted by:

It took the cops putting Amanda Bynes’ BMW in outdoor car jail, but she finally got the hint and has temporarily retired from handling the driver wheel. Even though Jesus (that was the cab driver’s name) took the wheel, the other Jesus needs to take the wheel that steers Amanda’s life. That’s what TMZ is trying to say anyway.

Amanda showed up to a store called Kin in West Hollywood yesterday and picked out a few clothes to try on before locking herself in the dressing room for almost 2 hours. Every 10 minutes or so, the store’s employees would hear a bang coming from the dressing room. They’d ask Amanda if she was okay and she’d shout back with, “I need more time!” Amanda finally came out, paid for some stuff and right after she walked out the door, she realized she was still wearing a bathing suit she didn’t buy. Amanda went back into the store, paid for it and asked one of the employees to call her a cab. The cab took Amanda to a Starbucks where she spent 3 hours talking on her phone and listening to music. An SUV picked her up and took her back home.

Staying at Starbucks for 3 hours isn’t that weird, because whenever I go into one there’s always someone there who treats the place like their office. They are there all day. They’ve got a gold plate with their name on it on the table and they throw you stank looks like you’re interrupting them. When you try to sit at a table next to theirs, they tell you that’s their waiting room and then they ask you if you have an appointment. Crazy bitches. So that part isn’t that weird to me, but the dressing room thing…..

What in the hell was she doing in there for 2 hours? Did she re-enact the first part of Gone with the Wind with a clothes hanger (the clothes hanger played Rhett, obviously)? Did she fap herself raw with a security tag for 2 hours? Is Amanda Bynes really a criminal mastermind and behind the dressing room mirror, she’s digging a tunnel that leads directly to the vault in the bank next door? Is the portal to Narnia in there?

Or maybe this is all part of the Nickelodeon vs. Disney war and Amanda is getting back at LiLo. Amanda is digging a tunnel from Kin to the Super 8 in Hollywood (aka the only motel that will take LiLo in) and she plans to hide clothes from Kin in LiLo’s room before calling in an anonymous thieving tip to the police. That must be it. Mandy’s gonna get you, LiLo!

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