George Clooney Did Not Terminate His Contract With Stacy Keibler

September 12, 2012 / Posted by:

Workers at George Clooney’s Italian villa had all their tools ready and were totally prepared to engrave Stacy Keibler’s name over the “Hos of the Past” plaque over his bed after reading in The Sun that he handed her an empty cardboard box and told her that the bus waiting to take her to his halfway house for former tricks is right outside the front gate. The Sun said last night George’s Italian villa has been exterminated of all things Keibler, because he dumped her ass after deciding that he wants to go back out on the prowl.

A source said that even though George spend hours training Stacy in the ancient beard art of strap-on wielding, he wanted to be single again and she “hoped they would be together long-term. It was a big breakthrough to spend time with his parents. But over the last few weeks George has pulled away from her.” The Sun said that Clooney’s spokeswhore would release a statement and a new casting notice for his next red carpet escort would go out any second now. Clooney’s rep did have something to say, but it was a full-on denial: “A story published by a London tabloid, The Sun, concerning George Clooney and Stacy Keibler [is] not true.”

George dated Krista Allen for 2 years, my favorite robot call girl Sarah Larson for around 1 year, Elisabetta Canalis for 2 years and now he’s been with the tallest Keebler elf for over a year. If history repeats itself, then Stacy’s expiration date is sometime early next year, but George needs to speed it up. Bitch ain’t getting any younger and does he know how many Las Vegas cocktail waitresses, Italian coke whores and reality sluts are out there waiting for him to drop a contact in their laps so they can put on a manufactured smile at premieres, wear borrowed designer dresses to award shows, make awkward small talk with Angie Jolie, scissor with Cindy Crawford and get an all-expenses paid trip to Italy? That’s like the ultimate Showcase Showdown package for beards. There are sluts waiting in line, George. Call the next number!

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