The entire county of Los Angeles has been put on flood alert and every citizen has been given a pair of water wings and told to watch out for floating bits of undigested Slutty Brownies. This happened after Jessica Simpson went on Jimmy Kimmel last night and told him that the reason why she looks like a SpongeBob hot air balloon in a yallaw wig is because she’s got three lakes full of baby water up in there.
“I feel like I have a bowling ball sitting on my hoo-ha…. Apparently I have a lot of amniotic fluid, so whenever my water breaks it will be like a fire hydrant!”
Does that mean when Jessica farts, her three ton belly makes the same gurgling sound a Sparkletts water cooler makes when you flip it over?
I can deal with Jessica naming her baby Maxi Pad and I’m even okay with her going on about how she’s giving her 10 pounds baby the dizzies with her non-stop pregnant fucking, but now she’s gone too far. I mean, I’ve always figured that Papa Joe was seriously into squirter porn and now Jessica is telling me she’s about to deliver the geyser squirt of all geyser squirts? Fuck you, Jessica, for giving me the image of Papa Joe waddling around in flippers, a scuba mask and a giant smile. SUCIO!