“Live From New York, It’s…It’s….Can You Hold That Cue Card Up Higher? I Can’t See My Next Line!”

March 4, 2012 / Posted by:

And just like that, a thousand “Since when does this bitch have trouble doing lines?” jokes were born.

After a full week of whoring out her SNL gig in interview after interview, Lindsay Lohan finally hosted SNL last night and showed us all that she probably should’ve spent less time whoring out her SNL gig in interview after interview and more time rehearsing her <spa< span=””>SNL gig. Yes, everybody on SNL reads cue cards, but sometimes LiLo’s eyes were glued to those things like they had the recipe for how to make crack in a crock pot written on them. On the positive, at least we know she can still read.

In <s< span=””>LiLo’s opening sketch (click here if you can’t see it above), she made fun of her crackie ways, which was kind of awkward. Robert Downey Jr. making fun of how he broke into a ho’s house a million years ago and took a nap is funny. LiLo making fun of getting pat down for 8-balls it just awkward since I’m pretty sure she still gets pat down for 8-balls on the regular. Doing that shit live was obviously way too much for LiLo to snort up at once. Because LiLo was best (that isn’t saying much) in the pre-taped Real Housewives of Disney sketch, which really should be made into a real show (click if you can’t see that mess below):

In the other sketches, LiLo seemed extra shifty and had the energy of a soft dick in a tub of ice water. The writers barely used her ass and when they throw her some lines, she read them the same way a nervous and hungover 9-year-old with severe constipation reads in front of his class. Bitch was not ready for this shit. Overall, it wasn’t the comedy comeback LiLo was hoping for, but it also wasn’t January Jones levels of suck. That said, the producers should’ve cut the entire show and just showed us 90 minutes of standby host Jon Hamm giggling at the camera.

If you want to watch the whole thing and your computer has American citizenship, click here. And here’s a few pictures of LiLo, the gorgeous White Oprah (and her shar pei chins) and Jill Zarin at the after-party.

Pics: Splash

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