FYI: Blake Lively Has Only Sexed On 4 Dudes In Her Life

February 2, 2012 / Posted by:

When you’ve got the personality of McDonald’s cow butt paste (RIP!) like Blake Lively does, you have to reach deep to pull out some interesting shit that won’t’ make the interviewer fall into an open-eyed coma. Blake went there during an interview with Elle Magazine and told them a million fascinating facts about herself like how many peens her vagina has sucked on and how she hopes to birth out a girl or a trans baby one day. That slight tingle in your brain is a “The More You Know” star shooting through the inside of your head:

On how her Fuck Club punch card only has four holes in it: “I’ve had four boyfriends in my whole life. I’ve never been with anyone that’s not a boyfriend. If I spend time with a man, it’s because there’s somebody that I know well who has been a friend for a while.“

On how she hopes to have a daughter or a son-to-daughter one day: “I hope to have a few girls one day. If not girls, they better be trannies. Because I have some amazing shoes and bags and stories that need to be appreciated.”

Yesterday GOOPY Paltrow said she thought Apple would be a butch lez and today Blake Lively is saying that she hopes she has a trans child. Tomorrow, Katherine Heigl is going to top all of those blonde bitches by saying, “Oh yeah, oh yeah, well I’m going to adopt a female-to-male tranny bull dyke! TOP THAT!

Blake did use the word “trannies” and that’s going to get her at least one open letter from GLADD, so that stretches this interview’s 15 seconds of fame. Slow clap for you, girl.

And I know we should use this time together to figure out the four boyfriends Blake is talking about (SPOILER ALERT: Ryan Gosling, Ryan Reynolds, Penn Badgleywhatever and whoever she had to fuck to get that short-term relationship contract with Leonardo DiCaprio), but instead I’m going to talk about what Elle did to her ass in these pictures. Who at Elle thought this shit looked sexy? Look at that picture above. Blake looks cold and hot at the same time. I can’t really explain it, but that picture reminds me of when they pulled Baby Jessica out of the well. Baby Jessica was wet, confused, uncomfortable, scared and you didn’t know whether she wanted a blanket or a fan. So I guess Elle was going for “sexy Baby Jessica.” Just….WRONG.

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