Brett Ratner Apologizes For Everything And Is Still An Asshole

November 8, 2011 / Posted by:

Movie director and shrimp-eating fapper, Brett Ratner, called into Howard Stern (via EW) yesterday to spit out a half-assed apology to GLAAD for saying “rehearsals is for fags” during a Q&A for Tower Heiest last week and he also admitted that he lied when he said that he “bangedOlivia Munn back when she wasn’t Asian. With the scent of curdled goat leche and shrimp shit wafting off of his finger tips, Brett picked up the phone and said this to Howard about Olivia:

“She’s actually talented. The problem is I made her look like she’s a whore.”

Brett kept backpedaling (unfortunately he didn’t backpedal off of a cliff) and gave GLAAD an “I’m Soooo SOWWY” hug for using the word fag.

“I apologize for any offense my remarks caused. It was a dumb way of expressing myself. Everyone who knows me knows that I don’t have a prejudiced bone in my body. But as a storyteller I should have been much more thoughtful about the power of language and my choice of words.”

Brett is producing the next Oscars and the president of that shit says that his comments were “dumb and insensitive” but “the apology [Ratner] gave I truly believe comes from his heart. If I didn’t believe it, I would do something about it. This is about integrity and honoring the Academy Awards, but we all make mistakes and I believe he didn’t mean it.

That apology came from Brett’s checking account, since he has a stupid movie to sell, and not his heart. That is the correction. But really. Brett Ratner is an exact stereotype of a sleazy, flea-dicked movie director who keeps a murphy bed in his office and honestly thinks he’s fooling a bitch with those tragic hair plugs, so none of us should strain our emotions by being shocked when words of doucheness fall out of his mouth. Allow me to put it more eloquently: Fuck him, fuck his awful movies and fuck his sweaty piss bag of a face. Seriously, I’d rather lick a condensation drop on an overheated piss bag than go see Tower Heist. (Yes, mom, that is my way of telling you that I will not see Tower Heist with you when I visit.)

And Brett should call into Howard Stern again tomorrow to apologize for calling himself a storyteller.

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