Fight! Fight!: Jonah Hill vs. Matthew Morrison

September 23, 2011 / Posted by:

Everybody who is making an #itgetsbetter video for bullied gay teens need to immediately rewrite their script and speak directly to recently de-chunked Jonah Hill, because he needs our sympathies and support during this very difficult time. You see, Jonah Hill told Jimmy Fallon that Matthew Morrison from Glee was a meanie mean meanster to him TWICE! This shit is barely worth repeating, but it’s Friday, it’s slow, outside my window looks like cold ass mist and if you reenact Jonah’s story in your head using two dehydrated curly-haired twats on a playschool playground it might make this sort of entertaining.

This is what Jonah had to say about the worst bullying experience of HIS LIFE!!!!!!!!!!

“This publicity woman is giving us these instructions and no one is paying attention. And Zooey (Deschanel) starts talking to me. And I’m, like, whatever I don’t want to get in trouble or anything like that. And she keeps talking to me, and the woman goes, ‘Jonah, please be quiet while I’m talking.’ This guy (Matthew Morrison) piggybacks this woman calling me out. I’ve never met this guy before in my entire life. He goes, ‘Yeah Jonah, can’t you stop talking for one second?’ And everyone laughed at me! I wasn’t even talking to anybody!

So, I’ve already got in my head that I don’t like this guy. I’m sure he’s a good human being but you don’t throw a dude under the bus that’s just sitting there being quiet… He bullied me. He’s a big timer on Fox, I’ve got stars in my eyes and he’s been to the dance before, I’m just some movie guy trying to make it in that world.

Cut to a couple weeks later… and I see this guy, Matthew Morrison, and he’s talking to one of the Gossip Girl guys, Chace Crawford… I go, ‘They don’t see me, I’m gonna get some scoop, I’m gonna call this dude out, I’m gonna like bust up his conversation.’ And I wander up behind these two guys and I’m eavesdropping and I can’t really hear what’s going on and then I hear, ‘Something, something, something… Jonah Hill.’ And then they both start laughing! And so I’m the punchline in this guy’s joke? He doesn’t even know I’m at this party. What is his deal?”

And then Jonah cried into his publicist’s lap who consoled him by softly blowing air at his neck while holding a box of happy juice (aka Juicy Juice in berry flavor) up to his whine hole. I swear, the surgeon must’ve accidentally cut off Jonah’s thick skin along with his loose skin. This is nothing. Matthew is obviously just jealous, because he thinks there can only be one bitch at the network who looks like a Banana Republic sales associate. You’d think Jonah and Matthew would bond over their shared love of blue shirts and safari pants.

via Holy Moly

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