The glorious Canadian silicone leaf that is Pamela Anderson is no stranger to staring crazy dead in its crazy face and has felt the fear of one of her crazed fans trying to get close to her skinny Loch Ness Monster brows and her perfectly applied lip liner. Pam felt the fear earlier this year (THAT RHYMES!) when an insane stalker tried to get on her train (not that kind of train) but was quickly tackled by her security and thrown into one of PETA’s cages. That crazed loon hasn’t been heard from since and we should all just assume he was turned into a box of PETA Nuggets.
But crazy came back into Pamela’s life recently when a fan of the loontardian variety lived out the classic children’s story Crazylocks and the Old Whore by breaking into her house to sit in her chair, eat her porridge, sleep in her bed and even try on one of her Baywatch bathing suits. You know you’re a nut bag bitch when you willingly press your bare vagina against a crotch patch in one of Pam’s bathing suits without holding a syringe full of extra-strength antibiotics in one hand.
Pam tells Britain’s OK! Magazine (via Starpulse) about her in-house stalker and lets hos know that you should periodically throw a smoke bomb into the vacant rooms of your house just in case a crazy is living in the closet:
“One (fan) snuck into my house, sliced their wrists and…ate all my bread. It’s terrible but I’m serious! When the police took her, she was even wearing one of my Baywatch bathing suits. It was very scary, actually.
I was in my house with my children, alone, and this woman had gotten in and was there for a few days!… I kept noticing my bread going missing and that my jean jacket disappeared. But I was like: ‘I’m going crazy because I have two babies, I’m forgetting everything.’
But this woman had been staying in the guest room for days. When the police came, she slit her wrists!… She didn’t die. She just got deported.”
Wait. An obsessive Pamela Anderson fan who is crazy enough to instill fear into the woman who conquered and tamed Tommy Lee’s anaconda dick? That could only be one teenage porn iguana:
Deported my ass. Ruuuuuuun (and not that slow motion Baywatch run either), Pamela, ruuuuuuuuun!