One way of shooting the gay rumors into the far distance is to talk about the time you caught a pussy ball with your mouth at a bar in Thailand. And Bradley Cooper did just that on Conan the other night. Todd Phillips, the director of The Hangover II, wanted to take pictures of all the characters acting like drunk fools all over Bangkok. So they all went to this bar and marveled at the skills of one talented trick who could turn her snatch into a ping pong ball launching machine. (Just like my movie idol, Cynthia from Priscilla Queen of the Desert!) B. Coop thought it would be every shade of hilarious if he opened his mouth as the pussy pong ball came flying out and well, I’ll let him say it in his words:
“Bangkok is known for these venues where females are able to do things with their nether regions that you wouldn’t think they’d normally do. So this one gal was able to eject ping pong balls at high velocities with amazing accuracy. I, being the jackass that I am, was like, ‘Let’s do one where I’m like (opens mouth).’ And I mean, pssssht, right in my mouth. Record skips, handi wipes coming out from everywhere, Ed Helms is throwing up! By the way, that’s not the only thing they do.”
Now this is the point in a post when I can either take a right by making the obvious joke about how I don’t know why everyone was freaking out since B. Coop always has Thai balls in his mouth. Or I can take a left by saying Renee Zellweger is wishing she could squint and launch with her vagina so that B. Coop would’ve opened his mouth around her every now and again. Or I can just keep my foot on the brake and we can share a joint while looking at these absolutely thrilling pictures from last night’s The Hangover II premiere in L.A.
In order: B. Coop in brown, RDJ with his wife, Ed Helms, Zach Galfalafelkisskiss, Alyssa Milano, the pigeon whisperer, Jordin Sparks, Krystal Kardashian, Mr. Jay and Ken Jeong.