Jeff Brazier Can Lick His Own Penis

Up until a few faps, I mean, a few minutes ago, I knew nothing about this Jeff Brazier dude, but nothing will make me Google Image a ho with one hand while plastic wrapping my chair with the other like reading the words: “I can lick my own dick!” The quickest way to a slut’s hole is to utter those words.

Torso of the week award winner Jeff Brazier is a British reality whore who used to be a footballer and dated the late Jade Goody for a couple of years. And apparently, Jeff is so hung that his dick can knock the nuggets off your tonsils while he fucks you. So it’s really no surprise that Jeff can make out with his peen’s mouth. While doing an interview for Dancing on Ice, Jeff said that his self-fellatio act has quickly become his go-to party trick.

“I do! I’ve not performed it for some time, but it originated from when I was an apprentice at Leyton Orient. The older pros had noticed that I had a talent, and one night, when I was on reserves, one of them said to me, ‘I bet you could probably suck your own thingy, couldn’t you?’ And then another one went, ‘Go on, try it!’

I did, yeah. I was young and pretty impressionable. I managed to touch myself with my tongue. I didn’t spend too long down there, I have to say. It was just making the contact that was the impressive part. But I think it was just to do with being young and flexible. I’ve not tried recently. I did it for everyone when I was on Shipwrecked. We were all a bit down ‘cos it had been raining, and the cameras were off, so I was like, ‘Hey everyone, have a look at this!’… It’s legendary! I feel lucky that I’ve been given a good few inches above average.”

This declaration from Jeff falls directly under the PICTURES OR IT DIDN’T HAPPEN category. I really don’t know if I believe Jeff at all. If I could do that, the only sounds you’d get from me after asking a question would be: kljklajdfkladddseesjfkjdjd….. slurp…. jljkladmmsfjkljfeee… gargle… gulp… zzjljlkjkljkl. Actually, that’d be one of the most articulate answers I’ve ever given, so maybe I should start stretching, praying, pumping and training.

And because you want to see, here’s a picture of Jeff’s Big Ben bulge:

I don’t know whether I want to strap that thing around a steering wheel for security or spoon with it on a sofa.