Giada De Laurentiis Is The Perfect Wife

January 10, 2011 / Posted by:

Looking like a wonk-eyed Tweetie Bird with a weave on, Giada De Laurentiis is on the cover of February’s Redbook and inside she talks about the rumor that she spread her homemade pesto all over John Mayer’s dicKKK and how she’ll always be the perfect June Cleaver for her husband so his peen never wanders into the pussy of another. Since Giada is a TV star who makes millions of dollars, she puts on the apron when she gets home and makes sure to polish her husband’s royal balls while polishing his shoes at the same time. And you wimmins out there better do the same! From HuffPo:

On the John Mayer rumor: “The John Mayer incident was completely unexpected. I was shocked. And not so much for me, but for my husband and family. . . Todd was embarassed that his family in Michigan would see it and think, What is going on over there in Hollywood?… What made it all even more surprising is that I haven’t had any contact with John Mayer in three years. You know how you’ll briefly get introduced to somebody? Maybe we chatted for five minutes, but I wouldn’t consider that intimate…. I think the only things that could have possibly have tied us together is that we were at the same hotel that weekend in question–which, by the way, my husband was with me there as well.”

On how she’s into traditional husband and wife roles: “I think it can be hard for any man to sometimes be upstaged by his wife. So when I’m home, I work very hard to be Todd’s wife and Jade’s mother. I have no problem going back to those traditional roles. I try to be Giada, the young girl that he met 20 years ago and fell in love with. All men want to be treated like kings in a relationship, and I think if women don’t indulge that sometimes, their men are likely to stray and look for someone who can give that to them.”

I can’t fuck with Giada’s cooking show since her pronunciation of Italian recipes makes my ears wrinkle like the pepperoncinis in Olive Garden’s bottomless salad. Mmmmm Olive Garden.

There’s a few rumors and blind items about Giada’s ho shit ways, so this is probably just her trying to keep the fresco of her as a perfect wife intact. If the blind items are true, then that fresco of Giada flashing her three rows of teeth while serving a pie don’t show her side piece licking on her buns down below. Well played, Giada (not really).

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