Good To Know: Michael Cera Does Not Accept Blow Jobs From Crazy Fans

Michael Cera was standing outside of a movie theater in Los Angeles when a crazy and most likely drunk lady fan (picture this or this) came up to him to ask for a hug. Michael gave her a hug. Then she asked if she could hug his peen with her mouth. Mel Gibson just angrily shoved his wang into a Jacuzzi jet, because he prays to Jeebus every morning that shit like this happens to him and it never does!

Michael tells Rolling Stone (via CM) that he politely declined the lunatic slut’s invitation to suck his dick:

“I pulled away from her. And the cigarette smoke was just falling out of her mouth. It was such a scary image. And then I saw her pull her shirt down for some other guy. There was something demonic and terrifying about it. She was completely crazy. All it did was make me put a few more bricks in the wall I already have.”

Demonic and terrifying?! Michael Cera needs to stop acting like he’s not a famous dude who lives in Los Angeles. This kind of sluttery probably happens all the time to him. The next time this happens, Michael just needs to pass her Mel Gibson’s business card and send her on her way.

And that drunk skank must be a special kind of slut if she asked Michael Cera if she could lick on his urethra. I would get with just about anybody who checks the “male box” on the US Census form, and I don’t think I’d ever go there with Michael Cera. Michael reminds me way too much of this crocheted mouse my auntie had on her coffee table. It was way too docile and fragile looking. I don’t think I ever asked that crocheted mouse if I could suck his dick. Okay, maybe just the one time, but I was 17 and spiked tamarindo was involved so it really doesn’t count.

(Image via GQ)