The Mad Mel News Roundup Brought To You By A Baby Kangaroo

My bowels are already full with enough pictures of Mel Gibson to last me until my next movement, so I thought I’d switch things up by putting a picture of a baby kangaroo in his place! If you are really having a major craving for Mel’s image, go into your office bathroom and find a floater. CRAVE SCRATCHED!

But you don’t need to do that since this baby kangaroo is all you really need. When you’ve got too much Mel in your head, just stare into this baby kangaroo’s adorable eyes. Actually……that baby kangaroo is kind of giving me a smirk like he wants a blow in the Jacuzzi. Damn Mel! Mel has to infiltrate everything that is innocent and beautiful with his gutter nastiness! DAMN MEL TO THE ROSE GARDEN! Ugh. Let’s just get to the Mel news already:

Mel was not drunk on holy water and vodka during his recorded rants: TMZ’s sources claim that Mel was not under the influence of anything mind-altering during his tirade against OctoSana. They say that Mel hasn’t had a sip of the sweet nectar since SugarTitsGate ’06. So Mel is just naturally high on the crazy!

Mel buried the placenta in the rose garden: Right before Mel yacked up his rage on OctoSana over the phone, the two took part in a tree ceremony in his backyard. They planted a fir tree in honor of their daughter Lucia and also threw the placenta in there. Apparently, it’s tradition in some parts of Australia to bury the placenta.

TMZ claims that during the ceremony the gardener said something (example: I’d like to bury my fir tree in your garden) which made OctoSana smile. That was Mel’s cue to erupt into a shit storm of jealous lunacy. Mel accused OctoSana of wanting to bone the gardener. Then Mel stuck his head in the dirt, brought the placenta out with his teeth, ripped it to shreds and then chased everyone around the backyard.

More pictures of OctoSana’s injuries: Radar doesn’t have a new tape in their hands today, but they do have more pictures of OctoSana after Mel allegedly punched her in the face.

And that’s that for now! Since I already tainted the baby kangaroo picture above, here’s a video for you to cleanse your soul with. There’s no way I can dirty up this magical video of a baby kangaroo staring at a butterfly. Actually, that butterfly does have a smirk on its face like….I’ll stop.