Shawn Southwick’s Whore Speaks

With the likes of Bombshit McGross and Jamie Juggalooorwhatever getting most of the attention on the mistress circuit, we’ve been in dire need of a side-piece with peen, and now we have one! Although, I’m not sure if this is exactly what we ordered, because bitch looks like a Tool Academy reject who didn’t even make it past admissions. We’ll take it, for now.

Hector Penate (that’s “Peenate” to all of us), a little league coach, has ran off to InTouch Weekly to collect a check for the details of his alleged affair with Larry King’s wife Shawn Southwick.

The two met while Hector coached Larry and Shawn’s young sons in New Hampshire. Peenate said that during his year-long fuck party with Shawn, she bought him a BMW and paid his rent. Cut to Peenate: “We had sex in Larry’s bed — a lot. I felt like it was my house. She paid my rent, she bought me clothes and a BMW 7 Series. She wanted to have a little girl with me. She was trying to fertilize her eggs to do that.”

According to Peenate, Larry even knew about the affair but didn’t give a dead squirrel’s ass, because he was too busy sharing his love with Shawn’s sister Shannon. Larry even co-signed on Peenate’s apartment in Studio City after Shawn asked him too. Peenate went on to say, “She controlled him. He just sat there and signed it. (pause) He’s a sex freak.”

So basically Peenate is trying to tell us that Shawn and Larry had an open marriage of sorts. Thank you for that vital piece of world history, Peenate. And thank you for calling Larry a “sex freak,‘ because now I can’t get the image of him humping on anything that can’t run away. Looks like an elderly Chinese Crested dog slobbering at both holes. Thanks, Peenate,

And I change my mind about keeping Peenate for now. I’m returning his ass thanks to this tattoo of a Benedictine Monk lyric. Chant your ass away!

Image via Pacific Coast News