Naomi Campbell Is Off The Hook For Using Her Right Hook

The city of Manhattan was shut down yesterday evening and everybody was ordered to stay indoors after Naomizilla allegedly punched her driver and then fled the scene when he called the fuzz. The 27 year-old driver said Naomi punched him in the back of the head while he was driving causing him to hit the steering wheel. Oh shit. Naomi is just like your grandmother! When nana tells you to make a right into the Denny’s parking lot, you make a right or she’ll beat you with her shoe.

Shortly after the incident, Naomi’s assistant went down to the precinct to speak to the police. Naomi’s rep issued this statement:

“There shouldn’t be a rush to judgment. There is more to the story than meets the eye.”

The story didn’t meet the eye. Naomi’s fist did! I love the way publicists talk.

This morning, the New York Times reports that the police are no longer interested in speaking with Naomi. They have closed the case and no charges will be filed. It might be safe for New Yorkers to roam the street again. However, you might want to carry some kind of drugstore-bought toner with you just in case. Supermodels are allergic to anything sold under fluorescent lighting.

The police probably closed the file on this one when Naomi sent them a blood-stained Blackberry with the note: “Just a lil’ reminder xoxoNa-Na“. Even the police want to sleep with both eyes closed at night.