John Mayer’s Apology Train Rolls Into Nashville

Yeah, I know your genitals curl up like a scared roly poly every time John Mayer’s face pops up on your screen, but let’s just get through this last one together because now he’s bringing his tears into it. And when John cries Balloon Boy-laced tears, your soul makes a happy face.

So…a vagina’s worst enemy already apologized on his Twatter for offending mostly everyone with his words of douchefuckery (i.e. white supremacist dick, the n-word, blah, blah blah). But at the end of his show in Nashville last night, the stoner who gives all stoners a bad name launched into another long ass apology to his screaming fans and his band. While the band played on, John announced that he is going to quit the media game and end his “quest to be clever.” Clip is below. Instead of his band playing, there should’ve been a tiny mouse with a tinier violin on stage. Better yet, Keyboard Cat should’ve played him off as soon as he said “quest to be cle-.”

And if John really wanted to prove he’s sorry, he should travel around the world and hand everyone a little lesbian as a peace offering (like he is in the picture above). A little lesbian cures everything (okay, okay, I’ll admit that my own quest to be clever is like the maiden voyage of the Titanic).