James Franco Is A Performance Artist

Just so we’re all clear, James Franco’s role on General Hospital is performance art. It’s HIGH ART! In today’s Wall Street Journal, James wrote on an essay on his love for performance art and credited it as the real reason he’s doing General Hospital.

James, hand over your stash and go sit in the corner with Lady CaCa. Here’s a little of what James wrote:

I have been obsessed with performance art for over a decade—ever since the Mexican performance artist Guillermo Gómez-Peña came to visit my class at Cal Arts summer school. I finally took the plunge and experimented with the form myself when I signed on to appear on 20 episodes of “General Hospital” as the bad-boy artist “Franco, just Franco.” I disrupted the audience’s suspension of disbelief, because no matter how far I got into the character, I was going to be perceived as something that doesn’t belong to the incredibly stylized world of soap operas. Everyone watching would see an actor they recognized, a real person in a made-up world. In performance art, the outcome is uncertain—and this was no exception. My hope was for people to ask themselves if soap operas are really that far from entertainment that is considered critically legitimate. Whether they did was out of my hands.

James’ art is lost on me, because the only thing I asked myself while watching him is, “Why is this bitch wearing so many clothes?” I mean, really. If James wants to know what real performance is, he should watch my abuelita carefully drink a hot cup of Ovaltine with a tiny teaspoon for 30-minutes straight. That is art.

Oh, I’ll stop. James is a performance artist. But if he really wants to make the art world scream, he’ll co-star in a performance piece I like to call, “My Cheeks On Franco’s Tongue.” And by “art world,” I mean my genitals.