Have You Filed Your Petition Yet?

August 10, 2009 / Posted by:

Above is a screen shot of Claire Elisabeth Fields Cruise’s Facebook page. Claire was filed three guardianship petitions in L.A. for all three of Michael Jackson’s kids. Claire says SHE IS THE MOTHER. TMZ says that Claire is also queefing that she’s married to Michael Jackson, but currently engaged to Blanket’s biological father. And the lunatic frosting on the crazy cake is that Claire also swears she’s the baby mama of one of Tommy Girl’s kids.

I really don’t need to comment on any of this since Claire’s dog’s face in the picture above is saying everything I need to say and more. That is the look of a dog who spends his afternoons sniffing the floor for Valium pills and trying to escape by flushing himself down the toilet. I fully co-sign and notarize his “Y ME” look.

And does Claire really want to rumble with a big ass butchie in a Three Wolf Moon t-shirt? Claire will be farting out Timberlands for months.

In other “Maury Should Get On This” news, Mark Lester (the dude from the Oliver! movie) is apparently saying that he never claimed to be Paris Jackson’s biological father. Over the weekend, the esteemed journals of truths known as The News of the World ran an interview with Mark where he allegedly said he believed the jizz he donated to Michael was used to make Paris. A source close to the Jackson family told People, “They twisted his words around. He’s not claiming to be the father of Paris Jackson.” They OLIVER TWISTED him! I’m sorry, I’ll see myself out.

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