Say Goodbye To The “Pizza” In Pizza Hut

Say goodbye to Pizza Hut and hello to The Hut. Actually, let’s all say fuck off to The Hut. This is not a change I can co-sign on.

Pizza Hut has announced that they are slowly re-branding themselves as The Hut. Sales have been in the caca box, so they are hoping this will get whores back into their restaurants. Specifically, young whores.

One of Pizza Hut’s HBICs told Brand Week (via idsgn), “There’s a big trend in general around having confidence in the foods that you eat. People over the age of 35, whose frequency with pizza is declining, said one of the big things that would reignite their passion with the category is to have a pizza made with multigrain crust and an all natural tomato sauce. And yes, we’re also introducing another vocabulary word with Pizza Hut, which is ‘The Hut.’ That ties in nicely with (today’s) texting generation. We wanted to make sure that Pizza Hut and ‘The Hut’ become common vernacular for our brand.”

The Hut only makes me think about a giant blob of wet caca with a gaping mouth that eats anything who gets in its path. No, I’m not talking about Tommy Girl’s asshole. Seriously, who wants to eat anything that comes out of Jabba the Hutt?

I can understand Pizza Hut wanting to appeal to a different audience, but calling themselves The Hut is not the answer. What they need to do is sexify their image a bit. Put on some lucite heels and strut. They should start going by Pizza Slut. They can even bring back their old slogan: “Gather ’round the good stuff.” If they hired the “delivery dicks” from (NSFW, duh) BigSausagePizza.com, I would order from Pizza Slut every single day for the rest of my butt’s life.

Since the subject is greasiness, here’s Brit Brit leaving London. I hope she’s just as upset about this news as I am and records a PSA or something.