Meryl Streep, Helen Mirren And Judi Dench Can Have A Seat Now That Kim Kardashian Is Here To Take Their Roles
Kim Kardashian's film career has really come full circle. Kim started out in the world of cinema by playing a half-dead seal who gets clubbed by Ray-J's boomerang dick and now she's starring opposite Ray-J's sister in a movie where she plays a wooden mannequin who was brought to life (I'm being generous with "brought to life") when the Blue Fairy pissed on her. This is the trailer for Tyler Perry's Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor and it's about a marriage counselor (duh) who confesses (duh) about having an affair with a rich and possibly evil man, because her boring husband puts her pussy to sleep.
The cast list reads like a game of One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other. It stars Denise from Full House, Vanessa Williams (doing some kind of Caribbean accent), Lance Gross, Brandy, Robbie Jones and Kim Kardashian.
Kim must've went to the same acting academy as Bristol Palin, because they both have the emotional range of a warped wooden butt plug. I've had interactions with Siri that were more human and natural than the interaction Kim has with Denise from Full House in that trailer. On a positive note, at least we know that Kim can sort of read since she obviously read those lines off of cue cards. And by "cue cards," I mean penises. They wrote her lines on penises.
And here's Kim walking around today.
Today's first "Fuck My Life" face is brought to you by the bought buffoon Kris Humphries.
The second "Fuck My Life" face is brought to you by thousands of trained actresses who have just lost yet another job to a fame whore piece of cold trash that has the talent of dried piss on an ass cheek.
Because Snooki is busy playing the role of Owl-Eyes in The Great Gatsby remake, Tyler Perry has cast amateur porn star Kim Kardashian in his newest church play turned movie The Marriage Counselor. Tyler was so impressed with Kim's ability to emote absolutely zero raw human emotion while getting her guts poked by Ray J's boomerang dick in her movie debut that he gave her the role of the title character's co-worker. The title character will be played by Jurnee Smollett. Deadline reports that shooting begins on that mess on October 26th in Atlanta.
Tyler Perry + Kim Kuntrashian + a plot that definitely involves a child touching uncle and an epiphany from the lord = the only time in the history of ever that the public actually misses Madea.
Seriously, if Tyler Perry really wanted a Kardashian-like whore for that role, he should've just wrapped his Madea fat suit in Spanx, threw a melted alien mask over his face and BOOM! Bitch can play that role himself. Because he's soon going to find out how annoying it is to work with Kim Kardashian. "Sorry, Tyler, Kim is trying to suck off the boom mic again" is a line he'll hear from the crew at least once a day. Tyler should do what the Keeping Up with the Kardashians production crew does: only use white boom mics.
Here's soon-to-be Oscar winner Kim Kardashian with her paid husband at her 31st birthday party in NYC last night. Pink sang for her. Oh, Pink, I thought I knew you.....
I must have been in line for my second helping of whatever when Spike Lee and Tyler Perry went at it, because I had no idea that Oprah's runner-up boo and the real world Jiminy Cricket hated each other like that. But apparently they've been swatting at each other ever since Spike used the words "coonery and buffoonery" to describe Tyler's TV shows "House of Payne" and "Meet the Browns." Spike went further by saying Tyler's work "harkens back to ‘Amos n’ Andy.'"
Well, you don't mess with a grown man who can jog in a silicone breastplate and expect not to get some feedback. At a press conference for Madea Could Eat A Tub Of Sour Cream For Two Hours And You'd Still Pay To Watch This Shit, Tyler had some shankin' words for Spike. Tyler is putting the MAD in Madea:
"I'm so sick of hearing about damn Spike Lee. Spike can go straight to hell! You can print that. I am sick of him talking about me, I am sick of him saying, 'this is a coon, this is a buffoon.' I am sick of him talking about black people going to see movies. This is what he said: 'you vote by what you see,' as if black people don't know what they want to see.
I am sick of him — he talked about Whoopi, he talked about Oprah, he talked about me, he talked about Clint Eastwood. Spike needs to shut the hell up! I’ve never seen Jewish people attack Seinfeld and say, ‘This is a stereotype.’
“I’ve never seen Italian people attack The Sopranos, I’ve never seen Jewish people complaining about Mrs. Doubtfire or Dustin Hoffman in Tootsie. I never saw it.
It's always black people, and this is something that I cannot undo. Booker T. Washington and W.E.B. DuBois went through the exact same thing; Langston Hughes said that Zora Neale Hurston, the woman who wrote Their Eyes Were Watching God, was a new version of the 'darkie' because she spoke in a southern dialect and a Southern tone. And I'm sick of it from us; we don't have to worry about anybody else trying to destroy us and take shots because we do it to ourselves."
Tyler Perry has wigs that weigh more than Spike Lee (<--- has nothing to do with this story, but facts never hurt anybody) and he was making a few good points until he compared himself to Booker T. Washington. Madea can go to hell for that one.
Somebody tell Spike Lee that he doesn't need to go to the storage room to get a step ladder. I'll gladly lift him up so that he can slap the glasses off of Madea.