Tuesday, August 7th 2007
Posh Beckham has reportedly been giving "English" lessons to Tom Cruise. Tom loves their accents and slang so much that he uses it around them and wants Posh to teach him.
A source said, "He loves the British language because some of the sayings are so quirky. Victoria says things like, 'bloody hell' and 'blimey', and tells her sons to 'come on chaps.' Tom loves hearing it all and is building up an Anglo-English vocabulary. It could come in useful for his film career."
Tommy Girl just wants to learn so he can seduce David Beckham in his native tongue! Blimey!
Monday, August 6th 2007
Katie Holmes arrived in LAX today after her little vacation with Tom Cruise and Suri. Katie was without Suri. Do not tell me she left her kid with that crazed maniac?! Well, maybe he needed to do some upgrades on Suri that only European scientists can do. Makes sense.
Monday, August 6th 2007
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes almost look like a normal couple in these pics of them playing the water in Sardinia. Suri doesn't look happy, but that's because robots can't get wet! Doesn't Tommy Girl know anything about anything?! Katie is a special kind of robot, so she's waterproof. Suri isn't quite there yet.
Katie is looking out to the sea like fucking Ariel from "The Little Mermaid."
Bitch is totally dreaming of a life outside of the hell she's most likely living.
Saturday, August 4th 2007
Tom Cruise is taking time off from filming that Nazi movie and took his Stepford Bride, Katie Holmes on a little cruise up the Mediterranean. They've stopped in a few small ports making the locals do a double-take.
Last night they were spotted "partying" at the V.I.P. Room in St. Tropez. Tom of course kept his hand on his property while the two left.
Partying in St. Tropez? And isn't there some new technology to give Katie more life-like looking emotions. Homegirl looks like she's lost in space!
Friday, August 3rd 2007
Rupert Everett has come to the defense of Tom Cruise and Scientology. He spoke out about it upon hearing that Germany called Scientology a "money-making cult."
Rupe said, "People say Scientology is ridiculous, but it's no more ridiculous than the virgin birth, really. It's all the same madness."
I bet you anything Tom's tongue has been intimate with Rupert's chode.
Whatever gets you through the day is what I say! If worshipping Xenu helps Tom deal with this homoness then so be it! Just shut the hell up about it!
Oh and if it wasn't for that "virgin birth" I wouldn't get hot ass presents every Winter! Virgin Birth or Not....I love a good pressie!
Thursday, August 2nd 2007
I never though that six little words could make me vomit up food that I haven't even eaten yet! TOM AND KATIE TO POSE NUDE.
The ever reliable New Weekly Australia magazine claims that Tom and Katie want a magazine spread like Posh and Becks' sexy W Magazine shoot.
This source said that Tom and Katie want to show another side of themselves besides their "wholesome" family image. Um...I think they meant "gruesome" but it didn't translate well.
"They have already started planning some of the photos. One suggestion they were keen on was a shot of them posing together in the shower, dripping wet and covered by nothing but steam. Tom and Katie really have amazing chemistry. They want to show the world how much." says this source.
I think I'd rather see Mickey Rourke tossing Carrot Top's salad while Beth Ditto pours manufactured butter all over her naked body!
Wednesday, August 1st 2007
Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes and Suri took a helicopter to a nearby field in Germany for a little stroll after Tom finished filming. Yeah, it's totally weird that they are just strolling around in a field. They probably went there to bury Katie's dignity for once and for all.
What is Katie wearing?! Don't tell me she's wearing Easy Spirits!
Wednesday, August 1st 2007
Suri Cruise is a doll! No, she probably really is a doll. TMZ has this photo of Suri and Katie Holmes taking a walk in Berlin. They say that this little pooch was a little scared of Suri at first.
That's because animals are smarter than humans! He senses a strange alien presence! Oscar the cat should pay a visit to the Cruise family. He'd probably head for the hills and dig himself to China!
Katie always looks like the damn au pair!
Tuesday, July 31st 2007
Katie Holmes is turning into a full-blown alien! She's turning greener and greener everyday. Why is it that Tom has to hold her hand everywhere she effin goes? He's always fisting her! Come on Tom, we know it's you that wants the fist. You little minx.
Anyway, here's tweedle dee and tweedle gay at dinner last night in Berlin where Tommy Girl is filming that Nazi movie.
In other TomKat news, a second dude was arrested for trying to extort money out of Tommy in exchange for private wedding photos. I need to see these pictures! I just know it's Tommy and John Travolta bumping butts.
Image: Us Weekly
Thursday, July 26th 2007
David Hans Schmidt was arrested this week by the FBI for trying to sell private wedding pictures of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes he stole. He was asking $1 Million for the pics. This idiot approached Tom's camp earlier this year into buying the pictures back. Tom's camp immediately called the FBI.
Over the past decade David has been distrubing celebrity sex tapes. He's known in getting the tapes and pictures and trying to sell them back to celebrities. He has brokered x-rated images of Jamie Foxx, Fred Durst, Tonya Harding and others.
No word on what the pictures were of. I mean if he's asking $1 Million they must be sort of juicy, right? It's probably pictures of Tom prancing around in Katie's wedding dress singing "I Feel Pretty."
Source: The Smoking Gun