After going through a security check at an airport in Berlin, Tommy Girl created an eyeball rolling wave by kissing his robobride in front of the pappies. I'm shocked that the security equipment didn't burst into flames from the intense levels of fakery.
You can see the craziness swirling inside Tommy's eyes just before he's about to kiss a girl on the lips (ewwwwww). He's using his hypnotic alien powers to help him imagine Katie's mouth lips as David Beckham's dirt star. Or maybe he's picturing that pink gay bunny with an eyepatch that got thrown out of his premiere? Isn't it heartbreaking that they can't be together? Forbidden love!
Whenever I stare at Tommy Girl long enough I start to see a gay ass pink bunny rabbit before me, so it's funny to me that this bitch wasn't allowed into the Valkyrie premiere in Berlin. The homorabbit even wore Tommy's eye patch from the movie, but he forgot to put a dead brown poodle on his head. They seriously threw a pink gay bunny off the red carpet. That's Sharon Stone cold. I guess Tommy wants to be the only crazy bitch at his own party.
Stepford Katie was also there looking more demonic in the face than ever. Her lipstick looks like butt grease. You can look at Tommy for that. He probably scooted on her face.
And if you look at the close-ups of Tommy, it really looks like he's getting double-fisted. Real talk: his butt plug probably just shifted.
Stepford Katie is putting her hand in the fire and not even making an "ow!" face. Fire is no match for a robot.
This is Miu Miu's newest ad featuring everyone's least favorite beardbot. It looks like she traded in one flame for another. Speaking of Tommy Girl, I'm pretty sure they shot this ad down in his dungeon. Of course they had to remove all the harnesses, Xenu real dolls and the dildo fucking chair that usually sits in the corner.
And she's so fucking digitally altered that even Second Life avatars look more realistic than she does.
What the hell kind of Thundercats meets Bel Ami shit is this?! If Posh and Lion-O had a broken condom baby who grew up to be a cross-dressing power bottom, this is what he would look like.
This is Katiebot's first ad for Miu Miu and I just want to jiggle a cat toy at her face. If Miu Miu was going for the alien pussy look, they should have gotten Juhani from Star Wars instead.
And like Holy Moly! pointed out, Katie is really trying to do her best Posh impersonation in this shit, but she doesn't quite have the "I need a protein bar" pout down. Separated at the portal to earth.
After her last performance in that All My Sons crap, Katie Holmes got into her spaceship and rushed to join Tommy Girl at several Golden Globe after-parties. Yes, this means no more ten million pictures a day of a weepy Stepford Katie in some not-right jeans, dragging Suri down with her. What are the pappies going to do now? Well, they could go on over to Mars 2112, take pictures of the aliens there and sell that shit to the tabloids. They wouldn't be the wiser.
Hopefully, Tommy sent Suri to rehab for exhaustion. Homegirl has to be spent from working 24-hour shifts while in NYC.
Katie's only smiling in the picture above, because that lady is pointing at her nipple. This is the most action she's gotten in a long ass time.
If Tommy Girl was your official woman, there's only two ways you would spend your days: crying and shopping. Katie must be doing a lot of the former while she's in NYC. That's what Page Six Magazine (via Telegraph) claims anyway. They say since Katie landed in New York last July, she's only taken around $14 million from Tommy's butt plug fund and has spent.
Apparently, most of the money was spent on real estate. They bought three extra apartments in the building they live in. Two are for Tommy's ego and the other is for Katie's tears.
Some source said Katie also spent $13,987 on Suri's slaves, $7,000 on gym crap, $7,315 on food and $17,000 on rags for her and Suri in six months.
All these numbers seem kind of low ball to me, but now that I think about it, it makes sense. 7 grand may not seem like much for food, but Katie only eats dried-up barley flakes and Tommy nibbles on her soul whenever he gets hungry. And $14k on child care for Suri also seems kind of low budget, but I don't think we can see most of Suri's slaves. Thetans can make themselves invisible-like. Besides, Suri doesn't need them around that often since she spends most of her time looking after Katie. The $7k they spent on gym crap was only for Tommy's vibrating dirt star slimmer.
It's the $17k that seems way off! There's no way any of Katie's shit rags come from anywhere but the "$1 for 1 pound" pile at the Salvation Army. That said, Katie needs to spend more! If she's going to terrorize NYC with her weepy zombie face, she better start dropping more alien dollars.
Here's cheap ass Katie with Suri doing things in NYC yesterday.
My mind completely blocked out the fact that we used to torn-up wear flared jeans in the fucking 90s. Thanks to that haggard bitch Katie Holmes, the awful memories came flooooding back like an evil butt wart breakout. Some things you would just like to forget, like flared jeans!
I bet this bitch is stealing shit from Tommy Girl's old box of clothes marked "The faaaabulous 90s," because I don't even know where she buys this fugness.
What the fuck is next? Spaghetti strap dresses over t-shirts? JAMS shorts? I should send Katie the hottest outfit my sister used to wear back in the day. She used to wear spandex leggings with polka dot chiffon flares at the bottom. She also had a matching crop top with flared-out chiffon sleeves. This was the 90s. Not the 70s. It was so hideous. Katie would totally wear that mess with a perfect robot smile on her face.
Here's Katie hurting my feelings with those jeans in NYC today. Suri probably ripped them off her legs, because later on she wore leggings. Still fug, but not as offensive as those flares.
The way Katie Holmes is carrying Suri is the same way my friends carry me out of bars when I'm drunk and acting the fool. You know, they throw me over their shoulder, toss me into a cab and hold me while my legs flail around. Usually I'm wearing an outfit similar to Suri's. That little tidbit isn't important, but I thought it would be a fun fact for a Tuesday morning.
Carrying a drunk ass this way is ok. Carrying a kid like this looks so damn uncomfortable and unnecessary for all parties involved. I know Tommy and Katie like to display Suri this way, but maximum exposure means minimum comfort for Suri. Can't they find a better way? Maybe they should give her a piggyback ride? Or Tommy can get on all fours (he's used to that position) and Suri can ride him like the donkey he is.
And about Katie's face: Ctrl + Alt + KatieLooksBeat
Xenu no!! In an interview with The Sun, Tommy Girl says he wants to use Stepford Katie's uterus like a Duggar's to have 7 more tiny Scientologists.
Tommy's peen hole must be sewn shut to keep the Scientolospermies from creeping out. This planet cannot handle anymore.
Tommy said, “I want ten children. I love kids. I feel really fortunate to have the teenagers and a two and a half-year-old. It’s a great dynamic.”
Katie's going to get more action from a turkey baster than a real peen. When she's at Crate & Barrel and spots the basters, she probably gets all excited and shit. What has become of our Joey Potter?
In the rest of the interview, Tommy Girl tries to come off as a real family woman who loves his wife. He says, “I’m a great parent. I want to be with my kids, and they get to do all the stuff that I wanted to do when I was growing up. My own father wasn’t there much for me and I want to be a different dad to my kids. My family is the most important thing in my life. Married life is very good, very lovely. I feel lucky to have Kate as my wife. She’s an extraordinary woman. She is funny and smart and she likes the same things that I do. She’s a very strong, gracious woman, and a great comedian."
Katie is a great comedian?! Yeah, she's a real regular Groucho Marx. The sad thing looks like she has the sense of humor of a....well...of a Scientologist! But I guess you have to be somewhat of a comedian to marry that big bag of dildos!
And of course Tommy wants more kids. How the fuck is he going to pay his lube and lingerie bills if he doesn't have anymore kids to whore out?
Here's the future Katie Holmes Duggar out with the world famous Suri Cruise yesterday.
Somebody put this sad, little zombie robot in a dark room, plug her into the nearest socket and tell Tommy Girl to stay away from her for at least....well...for at least forever if not longer. Homebot looks like one of the things that lives inside Amy Wino's crackhive! I want to throw holy water on her or some shit!
Those alien sores are her body's way of telling her to drop the barley water and get on a plane back to Dawson's Creek ASAP. Pacey will be waiting for her with a cup of chamomile tea and Grams will wrap her in a Snuggie.
Okay, I usually look like this after a night of boozing, bong-ing and boinking, but Stepford Katie doesn't have fun anymore, so that's not why she looks like Skeletor's peen! She looks like this because she wakes up to Tommy's creepy gay face every morning.