Sara Gilbert

Because Phoebe Price was already booked for the opening of an Arby's in the Santa Clarita Valley (I made that up), GLAAD hired Rumer Willis to be the resident seat filler at their Media Awards in Los Angeles last night. Wearing a fresh-out-of-the-plastic-bag polyester weave and serving up an eyebrow situation that'll make all the other taters in the garden salivate through their eyes with jealousy, Rumer hit the carpet and let everyone know that you don't need talent to get bitches to take your picture. You just need to come out of the right vagina.

When Tater Head sees these pictures of herself last night, she should chin who ever is responsible for painting her mug up like that. It looks like they just blew white flour in her face and called it a day. Bitch looks like uncooked potatoes au gratin. But you know, I can't fully hate on Rumer, because she's got a semi-hot piece at her side and last night I fell asleep between a body pillow and my farting chihuahua.

Here's some other hos at last night's GLAAD Media Awards: Tater with her piece Jayson Blair, Sara Gilbert, an understated Brad Goreski, Chaz Bono, the Evans brothers, Elle Fanning, Blue Ivy Carter's weekday babysitter, Kiki Dunst, Steven Tyler with a perm, Naya Rivera, the Noxzema Girl with McSteamy, Wilson Cruz, Beth Ditto with her girlfriend, Trevor Donovan assuming the position, Matt Dallas and Unique from Glee.

"Darlene Conner! Pull your hand away from Lindsay Lohan's probably STD-infected leftover!" is a line that filled the thought bubble above my head after this picture touched my eyes, because I swear on the box of dusty dildos in the back of my closet that I thought this was Sara Gilbert and SamRo walking the streets together. I know all those twiggy lesbians in skinny jeans and beanies look the same to me. Call me racist. But thanks be to God Bea Arthur, this isn't SamRo. Apparently, Sara Gilbert hopped off of her partner of 10 years and landed right on the crotch of 4 Non Blonde's Linda Perry.

Sara and Linda left some restaurant in West Hollywood yesterday hand-in-hand, which means they're totally clit wrestling. And by the looks of these pictures, that's all they're doing. Sara and Linda have been fucking so much that they don't even have time to bathe, brush their hair or do laundry. Somebody should tell Sara and Linda that they can fuck in the shower, you know. That's what a sponge vibrator is for. Duh.