Sadness

Joey Kovar from The Real World: Hollywood and Celebrity Rehab was found dead this morning at a friend's house in Chicago. Joey's rep tells TMZ that his friend found him with blood coming out of his nose and ears. (Here's a kitten video of you need one to wash away that last sentence.) Joey was only 29 years old and he leaves behind a daughter.

Joey left The Real World: Hollywood halfway through filming to go to rehab to treat his addiction to booze. Joey came back to the house after 30 days, but left for good, because he was afraid that being there would drive him back to the bottle. At The Real World: Hollywood reunion, he said that he had been sober for around 10 months. But a year later, Joey checked into the third season of Dr. Drew's Celebrity Rehab, because he wanted to kick his addictions to booze, coke, steroids and other bad shit.

One of Joey's friends tells E! News that he was completely off illegal shit, but he was popping pills like crazy, "He was prescribed anti-anxiety meds, but he would take so many, he didn't like the way it made him feel. So he would take Adderall to bring himself back up. I have a feeling his body being pulled in two different directions just overloaded his heart."

 Joey is the third Real Worlder and the fourth Celebrity Rehabber to pass away.

The Welcome Back, Kotter cast is one step closer to reuniting up in heaven, because 7 months after Epstein's afro halo carried him up to the afterlife, Horshack has joined him. TMZ says that Ron Palillo's partner of many years Joseph Gramm found him unconscious at their home near Palm Beach, FL at around 4 this morning. Joseph called for an ambulance and Ron was rushed to the hospital, but it was too late and he was pronounced dead when he got there. Ron was 63.

TMZ is hearing that Ron suffered a heart attack and everyone around him is shocked, because he seemed like he was in good health. Ron, who was a serious smoker, was supposed to visit the doctor today, because for the past few days he had a bitch of a cough.

Besides playing Horshack for the entire run of Welcome Back, Kotter, Ron was also in a few episodes of Ellen and did voice work on Darkwing Duck. But I will forever remember Horshack as the lucky dude who got to fist punch Screech in his ugly annoying face on that mess of a reality show known as Celebrity Boxing.

Rest in peace, Arnold Dingfelder Horshack. You'll always be my favorite WBK character, and yes it's because your last name is whore shack.

And just in case the death of WBK cast members comes in threes, a harem of male massage therapists better form a prayer circle jerk around John Travolta.

Well, here's a double dose of sadness to go with your late afternoon cup of Red Bull and Mountain Dew. Musical theater composer Marvin Hamlisch died yesterday in Los Angeles after a brief illness, and former Hot Slut of the Day and fashion icon Anna Piaggi died in Milan today. Marvin was was 68 and Anna was 81.

If you find yourself drunkenly singing "The Way We Were" and "Nobody Does It Better" to an empty bottle of gin at the end of a long night, then you can thank Marvin Hamlisch for that. Marvin won a Best Song Oscar for "The Way We Were" and got another Oscar for writing the score for the movie. Marvin also won an Oscar for writing the musical notes that made up the score for The Sting. But Marvin is probably best known to theater queens like myself for writing the scores for the Broadway musicals A Chorus Line, The Goodbye Girl and Smile. Marvin got himself a Pulitzer and a Tony for A Chorus Line. Marvin is one of only 11 people who won an Emmy, Grammy, Oscar and Tony. AN EGOT! Marvin was working up to his death and recently finished the score for HBO's Liberace biopic starring Michael Douglas as Roy Orbison as Liberace.

Amy Poehler might think she can work a tiny hat like nobody else, but Anna Piaggi was working a tiny hat long before Amy was born. Anna was a fashion journalist and wrote several pieces for Vogue Italia. Anna was known for throwing a whole lot of multi-colored WTF on her body and making it work. Kunty Karl once called Anna one of his muses.

I'm sure that somewhere between here and heaven, Anna is lifting up her top hat and kicking while Marvin plays this song on an angel's harp:

And I've look at that picture of Anna for a hundred seconds and I don't know whether that fluffy animal in her arms is a dog, a baby Ewok or an unwaxed Snooki.

Who hasn't passed out on a patch of grass in the park after downing a bottle of vodka? We all have and the trust fund hipsters in my neighborhood have practically made a career out of doing just that. Seriously, they probably write "park drunk" next to occupation on their tax forms. But these pictures of Brigitte Nielsen at a park in Studio City, CA are a whole new level of SANTO DIOS.

Gitte has been in and out of rehab, including Celebrity Rehab, since 2007 and she was sober as of 2010. Unless Gitte misplaced her thermos and is using those vodka bottles to hold water, she's off the wagon again. Several paps followed Gitte to a park this past weekend and watched as she drank some Popov vodka, smoked a few cigs and drank some more Popov vodka. Never mind that drinking Popov vodka (aka the vodka of choice for the person who doesn't give a damn) is a silent cry for help, why didn't the paps call Dr. Drew to come and get Gitte? I know Dr. Drew wouldn't have come if the paps only told him that Gitte was drunk in the park, but his fame whore ass definitely would've come if the paps told him cameras were there.

Oh, Gitte. She just hasn't been the same ever since she humped on Foofy Foofy. There's definitely a connection there.

"Nope." is basically what Macaulay Culkin's rep said earlier this year when asked if he was sick in a bad way or if he was bitten by a zombie. Macaulay's rep was asked those questions after pictures of him looking like a shriveled turtle starring in a remake of The Machinist made the rounds. Macaulay's rep added that he was perfectly healthy and nothing's wrong, but according to The National Enquirer (via Radar), there's a whole lot of wrong going on in Macaulay's life.

The Enquirer claims that Macaulay has turned his apartment into a bad shit paradise and he spends most of his days in there getting high by himself or with a circle of junkie friends. ("Let me know when you need a subletter, Mac!" - Lindsay Lohan) The Enquirer's source says a huge piece of his Home Alone money, $6,000 a month to be exact, goes to buy his two drugs of choice: heroin and oxycodone. The source went on to say that shit has gone from "serious" to "really serious" to "no, seriously, this is a man down code 10 situation," because Macaulay has overdosed twice and his closest friends are afraid he'll soon be moonwalking on the clouds in heaven with his old friend Michael Jackson.

“He’s addicted to heroin, oxyco done, Percocet and Vicodin. I have witnessed his drug taking, which has escalated over the past year and a half to the point where he needs serious help. His closest friends fear that he’ll overdose or his heart will explode. If he doesn’t get help and enter rehab now, he could be dead in six months. It [overdosing] should have been a wake-up call, but it didn’t seem to have any effect on him. Mac is still partying hard. I pray that he finds the courage and strength to clean up before it’s too late.”

"I was so shocked and concerned about seeing him shoot dragon chasing-syrup into his veins that I immediately picked up the phone and dialed the number 800-725-0000. No, that's not the number for an addiction treatment helpline. That's the number to The National Enquirer's 'dollas 4 tips' line."

Just like last time, Macaulay's lawyers deny all of this and says he has never overdosed.

Meanwhile, Macaulay's old girlfriend, Mila Kunis, is off in Bali gargling the rotten douche cream that spits out of Ashton Kutcher's whore dick. Mila, stop being gross, drop the douche and get your bitch ass to NYC to force Macaulay to star in a real-life reboot of Home Alone called Rehab Alone, because this is not the way Kevin McCallister's story is supposed to go.

If there was ever a time to softly scream out "ayyyye, nooooo" while doing the slow wall slide, this is the time. Actress, activist and producer Lupe Ontiveros passed away last night in Los Angeles at the age of 69. Lupe was at the 2012 NALIP (National Association of Latino Independent Producers) a few months ago and many said she was in good spirits, so her passing is a shock to many. Examiner says that Lupe suffered from liver cancer.

Lupe (born name: Guadalupe Moreno) was born in El Paso, TX and got her degree in social work from Texas Women's University. Lupe met and married her husband in Texas and they later moved to California so that he could start up an automotive business. Lupe wasn't really into doing social work anymore and was about to go to school for nursing when she saw an ad in the paper asking for extras. Her acting career was born. One of Lupe's first major jobs was playing Dolores in the musical Zoot Suit which eventually went to Broadway before it was made into a movie. From there, she went on to play Rosalita the maid in The Goonies and one of the daughters in My Family. In the late 90s, Lupe killed a pre-JLo Jennifer Lopez in Selena and again played a maid in As Good As It Gets.

Lupe should've won all the Oscars for her performance in Storytelling where she played Consuelo, the quiet, sad, tortured and depressed maid who (SPOILER ALERT) gassed the entire asshole family she worked for. (That kid Mickey came from Lucifer's seed. True story.) Lupe also played Mama Solis in Desperate Housewives, Beverly in Chuck & Buck and America Ferrera's not the one mom in Real Women Have Curves.

In 2002, Lupe talked to The New York Times about Hollywood's narrow view of hispanics and how she's played a maid at least 150 times. Lupe said this:

"I'm proud to represent those hands that labor in this country. I've given every maid I've ever portrayed soul and heart."

Rest in peace, Lupe.

If you haven't already, put on your helmet and get ready to dodge all the "he's finally moving on up" jokes on Twitter and Facebook. TMZ says that TV icon Sherman Hemsley has gone on up to the great, big deluxe apartment in the sky (you should've dodged that one) today at the age of 74. Sherman died at his home in El Paso, TX and his cause of death is not known yet, but the police believe he died of natural causes.

Sherman was originally from Philadelphia, but moved to New York when he was young to work as a postal worker by day while taking acting classes at night. Sherman made his Broadway debut in Purlie and that led to Norman Lear casting him as George Jefferson on All in the Family. From there, The Jeffersons were spun off into their own show and history was made. After The Jeffersons run ended after 11 seasons, Sherman went on to star in Amen and Dinosaurs. Sherman regularly worked with his TV wife Isabel Sanford until her death in 2004.

Rest in peace, Sherman. You're now up in heaven, dancing to Nektar with the angels.

Did anyone else have trouble sleeping last night? I did. Admittedly, being present when a cowardly motherfucker starts blowing heads off in an enclosed space was already one of my biggest fears. Then I read that one of the people he killed had recently avoided being murdered in ANOTHER shooting. Fuck all our lives. I just want to find the escape hatch from this fucked up planet. You know shit is serious when the thought of going to the movies gives you pause.

Hey, it's J. Harvey. I'm covering for Michael K. and I'll be insuring you want to blow out the pilot light on your stove and flick a Bic with this post.

Several news sources have revealed more information on James Holmes (and if I read anyone playing into his fantasy and referring to him as "The Joker", I will personally come to your house, knock over your Jenga tower, read your grandmother, and punch you in the hang-lows).

The picture above is allegedly one he posted along with his profile on Adult Friend Finder. TMZ sez:

"Holmes" created the profile on AdultFriendFinder.com July 5 -- and included a picture of himself with reddish, orange hair ... just as officials in Aurora, CO said he looked when he was apprehended Friday morning.

In his profile, "Holmes" says he's 6'0" and single ... with an athletic body. Note -- the FBI says Holmes is 6'3".

His profile lists him as looking for group sex with couples. And confirming the general opinion that he's likely dickless, he lists his cocksize as "short/average." Uh huh.

Holmes graduated with high honors from the neuroscience program at the University of California in 2010, and recently dropped out of the P.H.D. program for neuroscience at the University of Colorado-Denver.

Listen, cunt, I'm not gifted downstairs either. But I would at least have the courtesy to shoot myself in the head first if I was feeling rage-y over it. Asshole.

Well, here's some scary, terrible, horrific, fucked up shit for a Friday morning. During a midnight showing of The Dark Knight Rises at the Century 16 movie theater in Aurora, Colorado, a 24-year-old crazy kicked open the emergency exit door and opened fire on everyone inside. Yeah, I'll pause as you trade your cup of morning liquid caffeine for a bottle of something brain-numbing.

Witnesses tell The Denver Post that the gunman was wearing camo all-black, a riot helmet on his head, a gas mask on his face and a bullet-proof vest. When he busted into the theater, he threw some kind of canister, which started hissing and spitting out some kind of gas. That's when he started shooting. I don't know if he timed it or it was just a tragic coincidence, but he started shooting during a shootout scene early in the movie. One witness said that many people thought the gun shots were coming from the movie and one thought that the smoke was some kind of special effect. When they realized what was going on, they ran for the doors.

So far, 12 people are confirmed dead (there are reports that 14 are dead) and 50 71 are wounded. A witness told Matt Lauer on Today this morning that she believes several children were shot.

The shooter, who has been ID'ed as 24-year-old James Holmes, didn't kill himself, which surprised me. He also didn't put up a fight when cops arrested him and grabbed his shot gun, a hand gun and an AK rifle. Police found a third gun inside of the theater. His apartment building in North Aurora was evacuated after he told police that there were explosives in his apartment. Police believe the shooter acted alone.

Here's cell phone video taken outside of the theater right after the shooting:

UPDATE: ABC News is real quick, because they have already contacted the maniac's mother in San Diego. She hasn't been contacted by police yet, didn't know of the shooting before ABC News told her and she also wasn't at all surprised. She only said, “You have the right person. I need to fly out to Colorado."

UPDATE II: The Paris premiere has been canceled. Also, Reddit has a detailed timeline of the events. It basically translates into: the world is fucked.

UPDATE III: Aaaaand here's a picture of the shooter.

Sage Moonblood Stallone (seen above with his Uncle Frank), Sylvester Stallone's son with his first wife Sasha Czack, was found dead by his housekeeper at his Hollywood apartment this afternoon. Sage was only 36. The New York Post is saying that their source tells them Sage died of a pill overdose and apparently pills were found around his apartment. But LAPD Commander Andrew Smith tells People that gossiping hos need to flip their mouths to off about the overdose talk, because Sage could've died from a stroke or heart attack and they'll know more after the autopsy. TMZ is also saying that Sage overdosed on pills.

Sage was a director, actor, producer and screenwriter. He played Rocky's son in Rocky V and was also in Daylight. Sage's attorney says that he seemed happy, was working a lot and was planning a wedding to his fiancee. A rep for Sylvester issued this statement about the death of his eldest son and Jackie Stallone's grandson :

"Sylvester Stallone is devastated and grief-stricken over the sudden loss of his son Sage Stallone. His compassion and thoughts are with Sage's mother, Sasha. Sage was a very talented and wonderful young man. His loss will be felt forever."

Rest in peace, Sage.

Well, this is sad and now I need to spend a few minutes with a picture of a cat pushing a kitten in a shopping cart.