Reality TV

Oh shit. Ryan Jenkins, the contestant from Megan Wants A Millionaire who was accused of murdering his wife, was found in a motel in Hope, British Columbia. The police say Ryan's body was found by motel staff. They believe he offed himself, because his body was found hanging. Ryan was ID'ed through his fingerprints. Ryan's wife had to be identified by the serial number on her implants, because her fingers and teeth were removed.

Ryan was charged with the murder of Jasmine Fiore on August 20th, just 5 days after her body was found stuffed into a suitcase in Buena Park, CA. Ryan was hiding out in Canada after he escaped there by foot from the US.

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Megan Wants A Millionaire's very own Ryan Jenkins is no longer just a "person of interest." He has been charged with the murder of his wife Jasmine Fiore and there's a warrant out for his arrest. The police held a press conference today saying that they are currently trying to find his ass, so that they can drag him and bring him to justice.

Officials say Ryan busted out of the US last night and headed into Canada on foot. Maybe the real Sasquatch caught his ass and is holding him captive in his cave. It's so obvious that Sasquatch is a Vh1 fan and is not happy that MWAM was taken off the air.

During the press conference, the police also offered more grisly details about Jasmine's murder. They say her fingers and teeth were missing. Eesh. Thinkofpuppiesthinkofpuppies... They also have reason to believe that Ryan is armed with a gun. His bail has been set at $10 million.

Two months ago, Ryan hit Jasmine on the arm and was charged with domestic battery. He also has a record in Canada for domestic abuse. The production company that produces MWAM issued a statement saying they didn't know about Ryan's criminal record:

"51Minds was not aware of Ryan Jenkins' record when it cast him on "Megan Wants a Millionaire." Obviously, if the company had been given a full picture of his background, he would never have been allowed on the show.

The company did have in place what it thought was a thorough vetting process that involved complete background checks by an outside company for all contestants on its shows. Clearly, the process did not work properly in this case. "

I think their full background checks consist of: checking to see if a bitch has been in rehab, has a file at the free clinic, has nekkid pictures on the internet or has been arrested for selling their fuck parts for a slice of pizza. If the answer is "yes" to at least 3 of those things, they are warmly welcomed into the Vh1 family!

Ryan Jenkins, the contestant on Megan Wants A Millionaire who is a "person of interest" in the murder of his wife, has gone on the lam! No, Mimi, stop clapping. Not that kind of lamb.

TMZ says that witnesses spotted Ryan's black BMW SUV in Washington State last night. Officers later found the BMW with nobody in it. They believe Ryan might have crossed the border into Canada by foot. They are currently searching for his ass. Paging, Detective La Toya Jackson, your services are needed at the Canadian border!

Ryan is a resident of Canada and the country will not extradite his ass back to the US if he is charged with a capital crime. But if he's charged with a non-capital crime, they will gladly hand him over. So that means the US can tell Canada, "Oh, he'll be fine. We won't gas him. We promise!" And then when the US hands him, they can say, "SIIIIIIKE! We were crossing our fingers. We got you!!!." Or something.

And the plot thickens! TMZ has reason to believe that Ryan might be trying to get to Honduras. Ryan's father was the architect on some fancy resort over there. And his daddy also owns a private plane.

Vh1 announced that they have pressed the pause button on Megan Wants A Millionaire due to one of the contestants being a "person of interest" in the murder of his wife. They issued this statement:

"Ryan Jenkins was a contestant on Megan Wants A Millionaire, an outside production, produced and owned by 51 Minds, that is licensed to VH1. The show completed production at the end of March. Given the unfortunate circumstances, VH1 has postponed any future airings. This is a tragic situation and our thoughts go out to the victim’s family."

And here I was thinking Vh1 was going to give Ryan his own show!

They have already erased traces of Megan Wants a Millionaire from their website. Vh1 didn't say if they were going to air the rest of the episodes eventually or simply just flush the entire show down the toilet and walk away. Another Vh1 reality show also might not see our Tivos anytime soon.

TMZ claims that Ryan Jenkins was (SPOILER ALERT) not only a contestant on I Love Money 3, but his friends say he won the entire thing. This means his ass is in every single episode. Vh1 hasn't even announced an air date for ILM3, so they could easily just pour it into a shot glass, shove it up a snatch and let DJ Lady Tribe swallow it up.

We all know that most of the bitches on Vh1 are whores, drunks, crackheads, escaped mental patients, pieces of trash left by the side of the road or all of the above, but who knew one of them was actually a murder. Maybe. Possibly. Probably.

TMZ reports that Ryan Alexander Jenkins, who is a finalist on Megan Wants a Millionaire, is a "person of interest" in the murder of model Jasmine Fiore. Ryan married Jasmine earlier this year. Apparently, after he was kicked off the show, Ryan went to Las Vegas where he met Jasmine at a strip club she was working at. Two days later, they were married.

Last Saturday morning, the body of Jasmine Fiore was found stuffed into a suitcase in a trash bin in Buena Park, CA. Ryan reported her missing that day, but he quickly disappeared after that. Police tried to get a hold of him, but they couldn't find him anywhere. They were afraid that Ryan, who is a resident of Calgary, might have tried to escape to Canada.

TMZ got a hold of Ryan's publicist (yeah, he has one of those) who said: "Ryan is currently speaking to his attorney and will fully cooperate with the police in this matter. He is planning on meeting with them in the near future."

I haven't watched every episode of MWAM, but I think Ryan is one of the only dudes on the show who said he wouldn't make Megan sign a prenup if they got married. Yeah, now I know why.

I'd rather watch a butt nugget slowly dry in the sun than watch 30-minutes of a reality show starring Tobey Maguire. So I'm sure a reality show starring his family will bring the bores even more. Page Six that some bitch who needs to take a class at the Learning Annex on WHAT NOT TO PUT ON TV is a producing a show about the lives of Tobey's mother and younger brother. They are even biting off White Oprah by calling the show Growing Up Maguire. That strange feeling you're feeling is called second hand embarrassment. If you haven't already caught a case of the Zzzzs from reading this news, read on...

The show will follow Wendy Maguire as she makes "sacrifices to shield her children from the downside of the entertainment industry." And she does this from the bottom of the entertainment industry barrel known as reality TV (that's a compliment).

The good bitches at Ambien are probably biting off their toe nails out of nervousness this morning, because this bore fiesta could put their asses out of business.

You're still asleep, right?

When Jon Gosselin finishes up the 8 episodes he has left on his contract with TLC, he may roll away to shoot his own reality show. You know, because the solo reality show he stars in daily on every blog (GUILTY), website and message board is just not enough.

A source close to Jon told E!, "Jon has a lot of things going on now with his career*. Of course his main concern is his children, but he is focusing on his private and his professional life. He is looking into some major international endorsement deals and it looks like he is going to have his own show."

Hmmm.....let's see. MATH TIME! Douchebag who attracts slutty methfaces + a toilet full of Ed Hardy + the drunk glow + male pattern baldness = Bret Michaels' successor! Vh1, roll out the welcome mat, pop the Hpnotiq and break DJ Lady Tribe out of the methadone clinic!

* - HA

This is a preview for Fox's More to Love which is just like The Bachelor, but with "real" people. And no, it doesn't take place in a Claim Jumper's.

The first part makes the chicks look so pathetic. All the single BBWs I know don't cry about how they desperately want to find love. They cry when Hometown Buffet cuts us off, but not over being alone in life. You're never alone in life as long as pie exists.

Come to think of it, the scrawny skanks of The Bachelor are also this pathetic, right? I guess that's just a universal thing. Black, white, skinny, fat....it doesn't matter. Being on a network reality dating show will automatically make you seem like you're a cat hoarder who spends her Saturday nights re-enacting the wedding scene from Muriel's Wedding with your stuffed animals.

With all that being said, I will still be watching for the drunk fuckery.

If you aren't on your way to the emergency room, because your genitals exploded upon first sight of this scrumptious and delectable pepaw, read on. This is Donald and he will be the breakout star of Vh1's new reality show. Mark my words! You know you want to see this creampuff get crunk and slap a dude or barf on a bitch.

Donald is just one of the "millionaires" willing to shower Megan with cash on her new show Megan Wants a Millionaire. Megan is that one bikini-wearing ho with the pancake-face from Rock of Love and I Love Money.

Starting in August, the show will follow 17 millionaires as they try to buy their way into Megan's heart. Each week, Megan will quit a bitch who isn't paying up.

This is going to be some Rick Rockwell shit. Can you say "tax lien from the IRS"?

Vh1 has released pictures of a few of the supposed millionaires, but I've posted the hottest bitches below. None of them can fill a pair of panties faster than Donald, but they will still make you all puckery.

Heidi Montag was rushed to a hospital in Costa Rica yesterday after she started "convulsively throwing up" after spending one full day with Spencer Pratt in a dark room. You do the math. If you were stuck in a confined space with that dingle berry, you'd probably dry heave so much that you'd turn inside out.

Twit & Twat were sent to "The Lost Chamber" by the producers of I'm A Fucktard..... Why The Hell Are People Paying Attention To Me? as a way to redeem themselves for quitting the show. They were given cots to sleep on, water to drink and rice and beans to eat. Peep at their quarters here. It kind of looks like my first apartment, only cleaner.

TMZ says that after the 24 hours were up, Heidi was so sick that she was taken to the hospital where doctors diagnosed her with a "gastric ulcer." Is "gastric ulcer" Costa Rican doctor talk for "chronic famewhore-itis"? Or maybe bitch got dry shampoo poisoning.

Heidi has been released and is currently on meds. Apparently, Twit & Twat want off the show for good now, but they signed a tiny little thing called "a contract." Spencer has fired his lawyer for telling him to stay on the show and now he's threatening to sue NBC.

Some of the cast members are trying to get off the show, but their passports have been held hostage. Wait. Is this some genius plan concocted by the US Government and NBC to rid this country of our biggest pieces of trash? Why oh why didn't they lure Katherine Heeeeigl down there with a carton of Reds or CHERYL BURKE with a stack of buttery pancakes. WHY?! Naw. This smells, tastes and looks like a publicity stunt. This whole thing has probably been scripted from the beginning and I bet they aren't even in Costa Rica. They are probably shooting this on the Gilligan's Island set at Universal Studios.

That being said, I will be tuning in on Monday night to see how this fakery plays out..... Why do I hate myself so much? I need to be hugged by a "Hang in There" poster.