Pippa Middleton

Most of the time children are like your mega drunk friend at the club: You have to carry them around everywhere, you don't know what the hell they're saying, you have to hold up their hair as they puke into the toilet, they're always asking you for a mint or candy and they fall asleep while you're talking to them. What I'm saying is that most of the time children are seriously annoying and get in the way of you freely boozing away. But sometimes, children are geniuses and made of magic. Case in point: the little girl in the clip above (via Buzzfeed).

The Middleton Family is like the Party City of Britain, or something, so Pippa Middleton knows all about party planning and she put it all into a book. You'd think that Pippa would only have to promote her book buy writing the words "BUY ME BOOK" on her ass since that's really the only thing photographers take a picture of, but she actually has to hustle that shit in book stores too. Pippa hosted a Halloween party with a bunch of kids in a book store and asked them what they like. One girl said that she's a tomboy and Pippa said that she bets she'll be into princesses and pink crap by the time she's 10. That's when our hero of the day said to Pippa, "I hate princesses."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Replace those horns with a halo, because that child is an angel of wisdom. I don't even care that homegirl said she's into vampires, which means that she's Twihard. I just love that she almost melted the orange off of Pippa's face by saying that she hates Pippa's sister. Fighting words!

Morrissey hates everything, but I can guarantee you that today, he loves this adorable princess-hater.

Oh, it's been much too long since we've all frozen our finger tips on the ice cold cuntiness that pours out of Kunty Karl's ghoulish prune lips when he comes for a bitch. This newest ice pick of words from the Grand Dame Bitch of the House of the Death Eaters comes from The Sun and normally I look at anything that comes from The Sun with suspect eyes, but Kunty Karl would totally say this. It's practically stamped with a platinum certified cunt seal. (FYI: The platinum certified cunt seal is a picture of Choupette Lagerfeld winking.) As Karl ran his fingers through the mop of cob webs on top of his head, he shat out this piece of pot kettle pricelessness about the Middleton sisters:

"Kate Middleton has a nice silhouette and she is the right girl for that boy. I like that kind of woman, I like romantic beauties. On the other hand, her sister struggles. I don't like the sister's face. She should only show her back."

Kunty Karl slapped her down like that. Damn. That crypt keeper went IN on her. That's like a poem by Yeats if Yeats was a straight-up, black-hearted harsh bitch who had his soul removed because it made him look fat. But I'm sure Karl will make it up to Pippa by sending her an apology gift in the form of a $50,000 Chanel bag made out of pink dolphin leather with a note written in his black blood that says: "This would look good over your head. Kisses, KK". Pippa should really take that as a compliment, because if Kunty Karl doesn't like her face then that means he'll never slurp blood from her neck veins. Bitch is lucky. Although, he might slurp blood from her butt veins......