Night Crumbs

Allow me to put this as eloquently as possible: Chiiiiiiichiiiiiis!!! - Popoholic

Are we sure it was Johnny Depp and Amber Heard and not a Puerto Rican hippie lesbian and Amber Heard? - Lainey Gossip 

Someone on Twitter said that Joe Biden looks like one of Blanche's boyfriends on the Golden Girls and ever since that was pointed out I've been wishing we could all go back in time so that could come true. But I guess he'll be okay on Parks & Recreation - Towleroad

CaCa in a 'kini - Hollywood Tuna 

An artist's rendering of what Justin Bieber's blow-up doll looks like with a wig on it - The Superficial 

If someone gave me a baby for every time a tabloid said Jennifer Aniston was knocked up, I'd almost have a child army big enough to take down Brangelina's child army - IDLYITW

A Satanic cult orgy in a barn, just another weeknight for Ke$hit - Drunken Stepfather

Since Christmas music already blares in my ears when I go to CVS, I'll give into these Charlie Brown Christmas posters - The Berry 

Reese Witherspoon's baby friend likes the taste of denim. It's delicious. - Popsugar

Vanessa Hudgens probably just gone done with wiping away the lipstick stains Zac Efron left on her cooze and now she's trying to screw with Xtina? Those lipstick stains will take years to wipe off. - ICYDK

Fifty Shades of Chicken (sadly this doesn't star Phoebe Price) - OMG Blog 

And just like that, a wave of side-eyes from Kirstie Alley, Mo'Nique, Melissa McCarthy and Rebel Wilson hit Jennifer Lawrence - Celebitchy

Somebody get a dictionary, put it front of Vh1 and point to the definition of DIVA. Or just get Aretha Franklin to slap them for thinking these tricks are diva status - Just Jared

White people mourning Romney. That is all. - Crunk + Disorderly 

I'm surprised Billy Ray Cyrus didn't come out in a banana hammock - SOW

Charlie Sheen threatened to Kelly Preston a dude - Hollywood Rag  

Maybe Pippa is just on her period a lot - Cityrag

Pete Cambell likes to get fisted... in the face - Videogum

The incredibly shrinking JHud is done shrinking - I'm Not Obsessed

Kirstie Alley says John Travolta does not get hungry for the peen, which means she's the official guardian of his closet door now - Towleroad

Gimme the moustache, Snape! - Lainey Gossip

Kate Upton's outfit looks like a slutty Venom costume - Hollywood Tuna 

"The cops are out to git me!" - Lindsay Delusionhan and also me after eating too many pot brownies - The Superficial 

That German maid should've been fired for admitting that she's a JLo fan - Celebitchy

I wonder if Lizzie McGuire voted for Claire Miller or Larry Tudgeman? - Popoholic

Why hello dere, Ryan Tongia - The Berry 

Get a kennel! - IDLYITW

Courtney Stodden's mom, White Oprah and Pimp Mama Kris should all be in a Charlie's Angels-like show together, but instead of solving crimes they can ruin the lives of children - Videogum

Kate Bosworth SANS FARDS - Popsugar

Okay, but for why does Demi Lovato look like my 12-year-old cousin in drag as Camilla Belle? - ICYDK

ScarJo making the same face I make when I'm really excited about peeing in the shower - Just Jared

Poke at me when In-N-Out teams up with a medical marijuana dispensary and starts delivering 24 hours a day - OMG Blog

CaCa turned Madge down - Hollywood Rag 

Obama high-fives 20 different ways - Cityrag

Here's the video that will play before President Obama's entrance at the inaugural ball - Crunk + Disorderly 

Well, Kim Kartrashian is handicapped mentally - Celebslam

Earth to Vanessa Lachey, Nick's tits are bigger than yours and so he could nurse a litter of babies at the same time - I'm Not Obsesed

In "Girl, You So Arty" news, Sienna Miller proudly puts her pregnancy bush and pancake pop nipples on display in the name of art! - Lainey Gossip

Joanna Krupa needs to stop, because the only beauty from The Real Housewives of Miami who should be posing in staged bikini pictures is La Bruja - Hollywood Tuna 

American hero tries to citizen's arrest a cop - Drunken Stepfather

I'm okay with this as long as in the first scene a rabid Wookie chews off Han Solo's earring - IDLYITW

If Jessica Simpson had a cookbook, Kit Kat lasagna would be her star recipe - The Berry 

The woman in the red sweater can't believe she waited hours in the cold to see that basic trick - Popoholic

Penny Marshall looks awful - The Superficial 

The epitome of a dim dumb bitch is a Jesse Tyler Ferguson fan who is anti-gay - Towleroad

Kirstie Alley is that bitch who thinks every man wants her  - Celebitchy

If Taylor Swift ever wanted to unite the world in barf, she'd publicly release the text messages she sends that Kennedy boy - ICYDK

Laura Linney is a regularly LiLo - Cityrag

Olivia Wilde looks like she has giant panty liners on her chest - I'm Not Obsessed

World War Zzzzzzz - Just Jared

The hell is Marion Cotillard wearing? - Popsugar

The hell is Jay Leno wearing? - Moe Jackson 

Did I really need to see a piece of Soulja Boy's shaft rising out of his pube bush? - (NSFW) OMG Blog

Budweiser needs to stop, because no self-respecting alcoholic gets drunk on beer  - Videogum

Sam Worthington from Avatar got arrested in Atlanta for being a drunk douche and I've never been into him until I looked at that mess of a mug shot. Getting pepper sprayed really brings out his hotness. - Lainey Gossip 

It's like James Franco got a messy facial from a rainbow - Towleroad

The moment Alec Baldwin's wife thought to herself, "I'm not getting paid enough for this shit." - The Superficial 

Ceiling Eyes visits whatever is left of her "career" - Hollywood Tuna 

Gisele Bundchen is really pregnant - Drunken Stepfather 

We as a society have gone too far when women are buying mud wraps for their pussies - Celebitchy

Taylor Momsen is hawking bags now - Popoholic

Okay, okay, Adam Levine wasn't a douche yesterday for a few minutes - The Berry 

Cher has spoken! - OMG Blog 

Eddie Murphy's new piece's tuck game is off the charts - Crunk + Disorderly

My guess is Chaz Bono? - SOW

Posh Beckham wore flats and the earth did not spin off its axis - Popsugar

Chris Brown looks like a pimp zombie - Just Jared

"Here's Instragramming you, kid" - Videogum

Five words that will make your mouse suddenly stop working: Rumer Willis in a bikini - Celebslam

In pube-pulling exciting news, Bethenny Frankel and I have the same poop bag holder - I'm Not Obsessed

It's a sad day for chochas, Jack Nicholson's man slut days are over - Hollywood Rag 

What Mel Gibson looks like when he farts while getting a blowjob - Cityrag

"Hand me that Victoria's Secret catalog, I need to order a new angel" said Leonardo DiCatchAHo to his butler after breaking up with Erin Heatheron - Just Jared

Faith Hill must've had the rubber bands on her braces changed that day, because I'd be really disappointed with her if she didn't have black and orange ones for Halloween - Lainey Gossip

Disappointment is mistaking Kellie Pickler for Susan Powter - Hollywood Tuna 

The NYC Marathon is canceled. But the Eat BBQ Chicharones On My Couch All Weekend Marathon  is still on! - Towleroad

You know the 1990s fashion comeback is not a good thing when Emma Roberts is wearing a bodysuit with a snap crotch - Drunken Stepfather

RiRi, you nasty skank, take that finger out of your mouth! You know where it's been. (It's been in Chris Brown's butt. It's been in Chris Brown's butt.) - The Superficial 

The judge threw out Sam Lutfi's case against The Spears Family, which means Bit Bit won't have to take the stand. Boo. - Celebitchy

So many incest jokes fill my head when looking at that picture of Miley Cyrus tongue kissing a horse head - Popoholic

So that's why when I go to the store to buy lifting weights (no, I don't), they're all out of stock. These panty creamers bought them all - The Berry  

This makes sense, because didn't Abraham Lincoln bone every cocktail waitress in Las Vegas before settling down? - IDLYITW

Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are still as awkward as ever - ICYDK

Pippa Middleton's new dude is serving up some pursed Joey Lawrence realness - Popsugar

Someone has a standing weekly appointment with the butt waxers - (NSFWish) OMG Blog 

Granddaddy GOOP is my hero - Hollywood Rag 

The best of Tard! - Cityrag

....as genteel and pristine as ever - I'm Not Obsessed

Steven Tyler is just too damn old (and fried in the brains) to give a fuck - SOW

These pictures make more sense when I tell you that Jenny McCarthy didn't even know it was Halloween - Hollywood Tuna 

In conclusion, ASkars is doing everybody except you and me - Lainey Gossip 

George Lucas donated $4 billion to educational charities, which means in every American school Galactic Empire History will replace American History and whatever the hell language Jar Jar Binks speaks will replace Spanish - The Superficial 

This list is incomplete without Uncle Poodle - The Berry 

Professional beard Camille Belle found another job - Celebitchy

Just please don't let those annoying little British girls that Ellen DeGeneres is obsessed with do a cover of this - Towleroad

"NO FACE/NO CHAT" is all the replies Kelly Brook would get if she put these pics on Grindr - IDLYITW

Gillian Anderson's hair looks like that, because she was rolling naked around on the carpet with David Duchovny all day, obviously  - Popoholic

One gold star for Katy Perry's Halloween costume - Popsugar

Walking around nipples out naked in a tanning salon might be the least crazy thing Amanda Bynes has ever done - ICYDK

Simon Baker and an emotionless concrete pillar announced something together - Just Jared

Mr. Floppers needs to stop playing and get a pedicure, because his feets look a mess - OMG Blog

Every day is Halloween for Janice Dickinson - Celebslam

Selena Gomez has approximately 2.35 facial expressions - Cityrag

Methinks Mimi's 8-hour soothing massage was just her massage therapist punching a Nicki Minaj doll in front of her over and over again - Hollywood Rag 

Kelsey Grammer can eat an anus, because no Camille Grammer costume is complete without two medicine ball titties, hot moves and a dragon mask - Videogum

RiRi actually wore clothes for the first part of her Halloween night - Moe Jackson 

LeAnn Rimes dressed up as Sandy for Halloween. Nope, she didn't plan that at all. - I'm Not Obsessed

Kate Moss talks to Vanity Fair about crying tears over Johnny Depp and getting "Mossed." No, getting "Mossed" isn't the act of smoking swamp moss. - Lainey Gossip

Ricky Martin tweets a truly versatile picture of himself. You can either Photoshop yourself bending over in front of him or you can Photoshop yourself working him from behind. Any way you want it! - Towleroad

Happy Slutoween from Wayne Gretzky's daughter  - Hollywood Tuna 

Rosie Huntington-Whateverly's dress looks like taco lettuce - Drunken Stepfather

Doug Hutchison is smiling because he knows what he's going to do with that unicorn horn later. And Courtney Stodden's costume is the reason why I stopped taking Ecstasy. - The Superficial 

Panty Creamer of the Day: Johan Akan - The Berry 

Every time Taylor Swift says "dark and twisty," a black licorice Red Vine kills itself  - Celebitchy

Cee Lo might've used his tiny arms to molest a woman - Celebitchy

"We have the same personalities" - Nicole ScherMINGEr to that umbrella handle - Popoholic

Nicole Richie and Benji Madden seem really into it - Popsugar

That last zing from Governor Chris Christie probably made Gretchen Carlson's hard drive malfunction - IDLYITW

And right after Brad Pitt handed over that $100,00, he whispered, "But don't try to get gay marriage legal in ALL the states just yet, because then I have to marry Angie like tomorrow!"  - Just Jared

Tragedy in a pair of leg warmers - SOW

Happy Catoween! - Cityrag

Expect a Guns 'N Roses album in 20 years - Hollywood Rag 

Tommy Girl wants more Mission Impossible - I'm Not Obsessed

Even a natural disaster isn't going to stop Evelyn Lozada from being an idiot - Crunk + Disorderly

Disney bought Lucasfilm for $6 billion, which means another Star Wars movie is coming in 2015, which means Jar Jar Binks might be back. Nerd nightmares do come true! - Coming Soon 

Don't tell me this isn't a picture of Jennifer Lawrence posing with the Kardashians in their natural state - Lainey Gossip 

Another gem for Pimp Mama Kris' wall of family pride - The Superficial 

I should thank Madge too, because asking my mom to buy me a Breathless Mahoney doll was my way of coming out - Towleroad

IN THIS ECONOMY, Adrianne Curry is recycling Slut-o-ween costumes - Hollywood Tuna 

"Miranda Kerr goes topless in GQ" is a sentence I feel like I've written a million times - Drunken Stepfather

The Bitch Goes Down Ballet - The Berry 

Taking your baby to a party at the Playboy Mansion is a GOOD idea, because Hef's hos will know exactly what to do when your baby poops itself and needs to be burped - Celebitchy

Ashley Greene looks like a functioning corpse in GQ - Popoholic

Adam Levine defends Xtina's fupa - IDLYITW

Meanwhile, Simon Cowell's face looks like a caramel marshmallow slowing exploding in the microwave - Just Jared

Wet dreams shattered, Tom Hardy and Charlize Theron kind of hate each other - ICYDK

CoCo's camel toe can levitate - Cityrag

Jennifer Aniston does a Smart Water photo-op, tries to pass it off as a casual shopping trip - Popsugar

Derek J is a honey-baked goddess but this explains Kim Zolciak's dreadful wig situation - Crunk + Disorderly

No, he isn't - I'm Not Obsessed

Madge calls Elton John a nice ass. I see what you did there, Madge - OMG Blog

Donald Trump lets us all know that he's still a piece of dried shit - Videogum

Hulk Hogan's family should be embarrassed about being Hogans - Hollywood Rag 

How can Adrien Brody's piece resist the urge to suck on his hung nose when he puts his face so close to hers like that? - Lainey Gossip

Not pictured: Men throwing themselves at CoCo's feet and women throwing up their hands because they have given up on everything after seeing such exquisite beauty - Hollywood Tuna 

California GOOPIN' - The Superficial 

Meryl Streep is not having Julia Roberts' diva bitch ways - Celebitchy

Cheryl Tweedy has a calendar - Drunken Stepfather

This week in unnecessary censorship (Side note: I watched that Survivor episode and kept waiting for dude to start making out with other dude's butt) - Towleroad

Bobbi Kristina is doing well.... :/ - Gawker

That gutter ass wig makes Brit Brit look a little Connie Britton-ish in the face - Buzzfeed

It's been much too long since we've seen Renee Zellweger's puckery lemon face - ICYDK

Jared Leto is like the Cristo Redentor of L.A. - The Berry 

Minka Kelly's nipples are staring at me - Popoholic

I wonder if Jennifer Aniston and Katy Perry had an intense conversation about John Mayer's David Duke dick - Popsugar

That picture of Ross William Wild's ass is confusing me. Is that a glass ceiling he's lying on or are mirrors involved? It's trickery! - OMG Blog

Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson look like 4th graders during an earthquake drill - Just Jared

Shocking, dumb bitch is a dumb bitch - Crunk + Disorderly

Mischa Barton lives - I'm Not Obsessed

Ryan Gaycrest must pay Julianne Hough well - Hollywood Rag

I keep waiting for a waitress to roller skate across Kristen Stewart, because she looks like the floor of a 50s diner - Popsugar

Justin Timberlake hates Lance Bass - Lainey Gossip

One of Katy Perry's neighbors was also going to call the cops thinking someone was getting viciously murdered by a rabid cat next door, but then they realized it was just Katy and John Mayer loudly singing together - The Superficial 

Courtney Stodden's elegance saves lives - Celebitchy

A Drunk Tater Head + A Sombrero = A Human Vodka Margarita - Drunken Stepfather

And I'm sure Mitt Romney silver leafs his sideburns too - Towleroad

Britain truly is a magical place where they just grow Katie Prices on trees and name them Amy Childs - Hollywood Tuna

For the record, I still care about Shannen's secret wedding - The Berry  

The "trick, sit down" look from the lady in the scarf is saying everything I want to say about Taylor Swift - Popoholic

I think I can hear the screams from Jennifer Love Hewitt's new piece after he woke up and found that she chained him to her bed frame using a link she made with all the engagement rings she bought for herself - ICYDK

Adam Levine loves chonies - Hollywood Rag

Does Tom Hanks take requests? Because I'm going to need him to do The Charmings slam poetry - OMG Blog 

Lindsay Lohan stole some stuff blah blah blah - IDLYITW

Scarlett takes a tumble, but the other Scarlet did it better - Just Jared

"Pamela Anderson looks hot" are not words I thought I would type today - Celebslam

Is the first video the real-life version of South Park's version of Mama June? - Videogum

Look at JLo's stomach, because obviously she wants you to - Cityrag

Natalie Portman's lashes are LIARS - I'm Not Obsessed