Night Crumbs

Kellan Lutz talks to a hot director type on the set of his new straight-to-the-dollar-theater masterpiece and all I can scream is, "KISS! KISS! KISS! KISS!" - Towleroad

Prince William has quit flying helicopters with the Royal Air Force, because he wants to focus all his energy on trying to convince Prince Hot Ginge to move to California and shack up with a certain bitter, crusty, skinny fat gay blogger (that's how I'm reading that item, anyway)  - Lainey Gossip

"I want to go to there," said Goopy Paltrow's kids as they stared at this picture of Hayden Panatroll nibbling on a bag of Oreos - Drunken Stepfather

And just like that, Kathie Lee Gifford's got a new favorite wine glass - The Berry 

Every frat boy who wore white socks with Nike sandals will file a copyright infringement lawsuit against Sarah Jessica Parker - Celebitchy

Oh how I wish this was a Ryan Gosling panty flash instead - The Superficial 

I'm pretty sure that Adrianne Palicki's dress used to be one of Michelle Kwan's skating outfits - Popoholic

Kate Beckinsale wore half of a bikini in Mexico yesterday - Popoholic

RiRi and Fist Brown broke up, take 5,678 - ICYDK

For Lil Wayne's sake, I hope Sizzurp cures epilepsy - The Marquee Blog 

Lil Wayne wrote a beautiful song that was inspired by the Kartrashians - Hollywood Rag

A roller coaster harness can't contain Mimi's glorious Hello Titties - SOW

So many "I wish Zachary Quinto was in my hole" jokes, so little time - Just Jared

Kim and Kanye Kardashian should name their baby Head West, because that's what it's going to do as soon as it's able to crawl... It's just going to crawl west until it hits the ocean and it's going to keep going until it gets as far away from all things Kardashian as possible - IDLYITW

The Duck Dynasty dudes want more money - Reality Tea 

But what about Kimmy Gibler and Vicki the Robot?! - Pajiba

Whenever I see Justin Theroux, I just think to myself that Shane from The L Word would look so much hotter in that outfit - Popsugar

Yup, computer generated people are still better at acting than Megan Fox - Videogum

I think Teresa Giudice's forehead is shrinking - I'm Not Obsessed

Miley Cyrus looks like she's got the mold fuzz from a blueberry on top of her head - The Superficial 

Vanity Fair is Jessica Chastain's bitch now - Lainey Gossip

I would ask for a response video called called "Humans Screaming Like Goats" but we already have enough songs from RiRi - Towleroad

That Instagram filter really turns a picture of Maria Menounos shitting into art - Drunken Stepfather

Watch for falling drops of panty pudding, because every vagina exploded after hearing that David Gandy is singular again - Celebitchy

And just like that, John Travolta signs up to be a permanent contestant on Celebrity Juice - Hollywood Tuna  

What Kirstie Alley used to have as a mid-morning snack. Those were the days! - The Berry 

The only explanation for this is that Andrew Garfield and Shailene Woodley were actually sitting in an actual tree together or maybe Emma Stone was just stoned - IDLYITW

How many ostriches and how many of your memaw's tablecloths were murdered to make Fergie Ferg look this fug? - ICYDK

Quick, somebody Photoshop two toilets under Nicole Richie and MiserAlba, because they look like they're taking a very polite poo together - Popoholic

FANK YOU for this, Adele - Jezebel

My petition to replace Halle Berry with Funky Dineva in the next X-Men movie did not work - Just Jared

If Ciara's next album flops, she can always get a job as a singing bathroom attendant - OMG Blog

If you had a magnifying glass, you could see the royal fetus' arm reaching up to try touch the ginger gloriousness on top of PHG's head - Popsugar

I hope Idris Elba is taking a year off from acting to focus on making porn - Videogum

They don't call Kim Kardashian "Pimp Mama Kris' prized hog" for nothing - Reality Tea

The sharp as hell dude in the second row with the drawn-on Transformers beard is doing things to me - Crunk + Disorderly

File under "things I didn't need to see today": Brandy's crotch - SOW

So that's why In-N-Out was out of everything yesterday - I'm Not Obsessed

Teri Snatcher should be on Flea Market Flip and no that isn't my way of admitting that I actually watch Flea Market Flip (yes, it is) - Celebslam

(Pic via Pacific Coast News)

And the Oscar moment of the night goes to Squinty Zellweger who was so pinched and Botoxed (Side note: She Botoxes her eyeballs too, right?) that she couldn't read the card. We know who was doing lines of Sour Patch Kids sugar in the greenroom.  - Lainey Gossip

Natalie Portman wore a bed sheet to Vanity Fair's Oscar party - Celebitchy

The only thing that got me through Oscar's painful movie musical tribute was Helena Bonham Carter's "not here for this" face - Towleroad

Oh, Amanda Seyfried's just showing Jessica Chastain some skills she learned while making that Linda Lovelace biopic - The Superficial  

That hilarious Instagram picture of Anne Hathaway having a private moment with her new husband Oscar is taking me higher - Drunken Stepfather 

Miley Cyrus' hair is starting to enter Jackie Warner territory - Hollywood Tuna 

Heidi Klum's titty balls went to Elton John's Oscar party - Popoholic

Nicki Minaj looks like she just sucked on a bottle of Pepto-Bismol - ICYDK

Ryan Seacrest's hair was very "blowout at the JcPenney salon circa 1984" - The Berry 

The Alexis Carrington gown Naomi Watts wore to the VF party was better than the gown she wore to the Oscars - Just Jared

And just like that, I'm picturing Joseph Gordon-Levitt having a serious conversation with Cousin Balki - Jezebel

Anne Hathaway on her haters (Hathahaters? Haterways?) - I'm Not Obsessed

Halle Berry's dress looks like something the hostess at a Metropolis-themed restaurant would wear - Popsugar

John Stamos' "help me" face says it all - SOW

On the whole "The Onion calling a 9-year-old a cunt" thing... - Videogum

Daniel Day-Lewis delivers - Cityrag

Nothing makes your genitals weep like a picture of Scott Baio looking like an old Alfalfa covered in penis foam - SOW

Jeremy Renner and his roommate might be cooing at a baby girl named Ava today - Lainey Gossip 

Scroll down to picture #6 and tell me what that is on Emma Stone's body - The Berry 

Ashley Jizzdale's look is very teenage runaway turned rest stop hooker - Hollywood Tuna 

Something in the milk is a photo-op when Julia Roberts is smiling instead of barking at the paparazzi - Celebitchy

The Gossip sings out Michael Lohan and White Oprah's anti-anthem - Towleroad

Brazilian butts for your President's Day (and sadly none of those Brazilian butts belong to Rodrigo Santoro) - The Superficial 

Shawn Johnson is ripped and built like a Chelsea pocket hottie power bottom - Drunken Stepfather

If my abuelita's favorite black veil and her favorite visor mated, their baby would look like the thing that's on Anne Hathaway's head - ICYDK

If Mumford's sons are white, famous and rich, then I'll believe this - IDLYITW

Sara Jean Underwood is as subtle as always - Popoholic

Mimi's song for that Oz movie makes me want to drop a house on my ears - OMG Blog

Even getting ran over by a four wheeler couldn't keep Lena Dunham from the Writers Guild Awards - Just Jared

Note to famous or semi-famous addicts: don't go on Celebrity Rehab - Jezebel

Thankfully for Baby KimYe, Kim Kartrashian wants three nannies so it never has to see its mother's face - Celebslam

The baby-making Gremlin is just asking to get smacked down by the Tupac hologram - Crunk  + Disorderly

Justin Timberlake is obviously popping his eyeballs, because Jessica Biel surprised him with an impromptu anus poking - Popsugar

Chelsea Handler went to Charlize Theron's son's first birthday party, so I assuming that there's at least 5 bottles of Grey Goose in her bag - I'm Not Obsessed

Velveeta, an industrial-strength bra and matches to burn all of her UGGs better be on that list - Cityrag

And I'm surprised that not one of them slapped him for putting the words of a Bieber in their ears - Hollywood Rag

PROGRAMMING NOTE: The CAPTION THIS Contest took the day off and spent its President's Day doing what you did (getting drunk and watching porn). It'll be back tomorrow!

Either Casper Smart made a poopy in his Pampers or he's really embarrassed by JLo's space disco alligator dress - Lainey Gossip 

The "Why are you even here?" side-eye from the silver fox on the right is the only protein I need today - Hollywood Tuna 

And the last part of the episode will show Kate Gosselin's child army screaming, "Take us with you," while clinging to Kendra's legs as she gets in the car to go back home - The Superficial 

If the condom delivery man added lube, Entenmman's donuts and whiskey to his menu I'd be all about him - Towleroad

Irina Shayk's nipple plates sort of make an appearance in Sports Illustrated: Swimsuit Edition - Drunken Stepfather

Jeremy Irons isn't a molester, he just loves, loves touching people without asking, that's all - Celebitchy

Planet Earth: Celebs in the Wild Edition - The Berry 

This post just made me sad about not having a peen cake pan - OMG Blog

Kate Upton is too busy rubbing her chichis in piles of money to care about strangers calling her fat - IDLYITW

Katy Perry and RiRi's friendship was done in by Chris Brown's pool noodle dick - ICYDK

Natalie Portman looks like she's taking an open-eyed nap during her latest ad for Dior and looking at her ad is making me want to take a closed-eyed nap - Popoholic

Pax Jolie-Pitt is serving up some grunge glam new wave realness - Just Jared

Panty Creamer of the Day: Jimmy Kimmel Live's Guillermo - SOW

At first I thought Amy Poehler was going to be on Frontier House - I'm Not Obsessed

Paris Saint-Germain just loves wasting money - Celebslam

Thank GOD for this because it's been so long that I needed a refresher - Videogum

Oh, high school senior Christopher Walken, drive me up to lovers point and let's neck in your Plymouth - Buzzfeed

Jessica Simpson and Eric Whateverhisnameis look really happy on this Valentimes Day - Popsugar

Dear Brit Brit, Vicky Pollard wants her EVERYTHING back - Hollywood Rag

How many tricks do you think have been caught sitting on wax George Clooney's face? - Cityrag

Lena Dunham's on the cover of Rolling Stone looking like she's licking the crusties off of her mouth after waking up from a 6 hour nap on the couch - ICYDK

Charlie Sheen's Save A Ho Foundation gives another handout to Lindsay Lohan - Lainey Gossip

Elle Fanning's New York Magazine spread gave me diabetes - The Berry 

This explains why Jennifer Lawrence keeps tripping and clothes keep falling off of her body. It's one of the side effects of getting humped by Michael Fassbender - The Superficial 

The gay rumors are starting to put cracks in Hugh Jackman's perfect life - Towleroad

Lady Gaga announces that she's canceling a few shows due to an injury and she does it in the most Lady Gaga-iest way possible - Celebitchy

Why does Selena Gomez keep insisting on dressing like she just fell out of The Craft? - Hollywood Tuna 

Miley Cyrus just keeps blowing air kisses a love at the paps - Drunken Stepfather

Lawyers hate Lindsay Lohan, part 4,983,567 - IDLYITW

You won't believe what Hilary Duff did yesterday?! Yes, she walked to her car! How did you know? - Popoholic

If they ever do a reboot of Sex and the City, this is who should be cast - SOW

Justin Timberlake joins Instagram and is already overusing all those filters - Just Jared

My last tattered brain cell just shriveled up and died - Jezebel

It's The Weez's weez  - Celebslam

DMX is still making sure his name stays on TMZ's front page - Crunk + Disorderly

A couple that wears leather pants in the sun together, sprays Febreze on their musty pussies together - Popsugar

Taylor Swift's ghost singer FOUND - Videogum

Matt Damon is closing his butt hole for the sake of the environment - I'm Not Obsessed

That brow is jumping at me - Cityrag

Petra Nemcova's got those wonk eyes - Hollywood Rag

Taylor Swift spoke with a British accent at the Grammys, Harry Styles speaks with a British accent all the time. Taylor Swift wore a green beanie during her video shoot yesterday, Harry Styles wears a green beanie often. Taylor Swift doesn't want to get back together with Harry Styles, she wants to become him! - Lainey Gossip 

FYI: Max George stuck the tip in and quickly pulled out when the burning became too much for him to take - The Superficial 

Adam Levine took his top off again. He is the Lena Dunham of elevator rock stars - Towleroad

DanRad tamed his eyebrow situation for Out Magazine - Celebitchy

Kate Hudson was browsing the table runner section of Cost Plus, spotted an orange one and shouted, "I can wear that one as a dress!" - Hollywood Tuna 

Australian runner and professional beat bouncer Michelle Jenneke gets into a bikini for Sports Illustrated - Drunken Stepfather

FINALLY! There will be a Mexican restaurant in Manhattan where the margaritas are served with coke dust instead of salt - IDLYITW

Beware: The Illuminati are setting up headquarters all over the world - ICYDK

It looks like JLo re-started the leg whoring monster that Angie Jolie started - Popoholic

Survivor Serbia might be the greatest and gayest Survivor ever - OMG Blog

The Texas T-Rex no longer looks like a thirsty giraffe zombie - Just Jared

Just. NO. NO. - Jezebel

Dude's torso looks like a water damaged illustrated bible, but I still would - The Berry 

Every college student's theme song - Crunk + Disorderly

Sienna Miller looks a raggedy mess - Popsugar

Jennifer Aniston doesn't want to know that she's 44 - I'm Not Obsessed

Slow and slutty is just how I like everything including the weather - SOW

ScarJo was almost Fantine - Cityrag

Falkor Rimes got banged and she'd look a million times hotter if her bangs were about 24 inches longer - ICYDK

That look on Alice Eve's face tells me that Bradley Cooper just asked her if he can deep throat her big toe - Lainey Gossip

John Travolta volunteers his mouth as the venue to hold the dick-off between Marky Mark and Michael Fassbender - The Superficial 

Beyonce wore one of Bette Midler's pantsuits from Big Business to the Grammys last night - Celebitchy

The chipmunk Pink broke a Grammy rule last night - Drunken Stepfather

Rich bitches in L.A. dress so weird. Case in point: Selena Gomez - Hollywood Tuna 

The Postal Service has a new song and I'm sure you'll soon hear it in every Apple commercial and every episode of every CW show - Towleroad

Lindsay Lohan's escort service business is going well - IDLYITW

The Photoshop Awards: Jennifer Love Hewitt on Shape Magazine - Popoholic

If you have a serious tank top fetish, here's something to feed it - The Berry 

Baby sting rays have sweet, sweet moves - OMG Blog

Carrie Underwood's MAC screensaver dress blew minds last night and I guarantee you that 100% of those blown minds were stoned - Buzzfeed 

Ten seconds later, Adam Levine had sun burns on his face from standing that close to Sting - Just Jared

But when will we finally get a documentary about Color Me Badd? - Jezebel

Megan Fox and David Silver are in Brazil for carnival and I really hope he treats everyone to a very special carnival performance of Be Be Be My Love - Popsugar

Prince's bedazzled cane was the star of the night - Crunk + Disorderly

Are we sure this isn't really Miley Cyrus and the pictures got mislabeled? - Moe Jackson

Elisha Cuthbert does Maxim - Hollywood Rag

Eva Mendes does the "hide the color sore on the edge of my mouth" move - I'm Not Obsessed

RiRi keeps it demure in a hotel sheet skirt - Cityrag

Jennifer Aniston wore a beret on the set of her new movie and I hope this isn't giving the evil doers of Hollywood any ideas, because the last thing we need is to see this ho as Bonnie Parker - Lainey Gossip

I've never noticed this before and I've seen at least 56,789 pictures of Kelly Brook in a bikini, but she sort of looks like the secret love child of Jennifer Garner and Sofia Vergara. And I never thought I'd ever type the words "love child of Jennifer Garner and Sofia Vergara," so congratulations to me - Hollywood Tuna 

And then Anne Hathaway hiked up her cocktail dress, climbed onto that statue pedestal and started humping that giant Oscar until security had to drag her away kicking and crying - Celebitchy

"I'm so surprised" said no one after hearing that somebody called Frank Ocean a "faggot" during his parking lot brawl with Chris Brown - Towleroad

How Brandi Glanville found out that Eddie Cibrian was cheating on her with a luck dragon - The Superficial 

Mind Blower of the Day: RiRi does another photo shoot with Terry Richardson and manages to keep her top on - Drunken Stepfather

"The coke stains on that Birkin are authentic, so you should give me more for that!" - Lindsay Lohan while trying to sell stuff at a pawn shop to pay Shawn Holley's bill - ICYDK

I guess when Judy's closed, they gave their entire back stock to the Cyrus family - Popoholic

North Korea's #1 enemy is Tyra Banks, because they're mad that she's almost crazier than they are - OMG Blog

Lindsey Vonn crashed hard today - IDLYITW

I'm gayer than three unicorns playing Barbies under a rainbow and I still WOULD with the In-N-Out heiress just so I can get free Double Doubles - Jezebel

Pink embraces her butchness - Just Jared

Scroll down to picture number 3 to see the Spice Girls SANS Posh - The Berry 

Thinking of Beyonce riding on Jay-Z's camel dick makes me feel the same way Michelle Williams felt when they turned down her mic at the Super Bowl - Crunk + Disorderly

Cameron Diaz and her life coach go on a fancy helicopter ride. You know, GOOP needs a life coach of her own, because maybe that life coach will tell her those hideous boots are not a good idea - Popsugar

Shauna Sand is the Empress of Cork today - Moe Jackson 

Reading about Coco Brown going to space is making me want to see a zero gravity cum shot - The Frisky 

Hayden Pantyairs looks good....and then my eyes landed on the shoes - Hollywood Rag 

Kristen Wiig will be in Anchorman 2 - Cityrag

GQ did everyone wrong by putting clothes on Idris Elba. He can leave the hat on, though - I'm Not Obsessed

Justin Timberlake's Robin Thicke impersonation needs a little work - Lainey Gossip

These rejected racehorse names sound more like the short list for Trace Cyrus' future porn name - Towleroad

The look: Jennifer Lawrence's satin jumpsuit with a built-in epic camel toe - Celebitchy

Why is Lana Del Taco posing in front of the same backdrop I posed in front of during Easter portraits when I was 5? - Drunken Stepfather  

For those of you who want to look like a Care Bear with the period leaks - The Berry 

Lucy Pinder's neck must be jealous of her chest, because her chest is holding two heavy balls and her neck is holding just one  - Hollywood Tuna 

Screw Mel Gibson and Gerard Butler! Kenneth the Page and ASkars were the best bromance of the weekend - The Superficial 

The terrified look on a dog's face when it knows it's about to become a $50,000 purse from The Row - ICYDK

Selena Gomez is back to feeding Justin Bieber a baby bottle of Sizzurp three times a day - IDLYITW

The most shocking thing about these pictures of Jennifer Love Hewitt is that those fug elephant flap boots aren't on Brit Brit's hooves - Popoholic

Slap me down with your magnifying glass, Detective La Toya, because for three milliseconds I thought this was an old picture of Michael Jackson. I have sinned! - Hollywood Rag

Bruce Willis eats his child bride's mouth on the red carpet - Just Jared

Fidel Castro is alive and reppin' for Lacoste - Buzzfeed

FIIIIIIIIIIINALLY! Tea bagging is coming to Broadway! - Jezebel

Drew Barrymore should've given herself the stop sign hand when she went to buy that ugly bag - Popsugar

Dear Big Boi, Star Jones would love her fur back. It's cold. - Crunk + Disorderly

Even Ashley Greene's drunk faces are boring - Celebslam 

Bill Murray's stache beard is a work of art - SOW

A walk down memory lane with Beyonce's nose - Cityrag

Justin Timberlake didn't call Brit Brit a bitch - I'm Not Obsessed