Marion Cotillard

The Shrine Auditorium is still standing today and that means that Anne Hathaway won the SAG Award for Best Supporting Actress, because if she didn't she would've screamed and bawled until the entire building collapsed into a pile of dust and tears. To accept her 699th award of the year, the 15-year-old theater nerd trapped in the body of an Anne Hathaway wore a see-through skirt over a shorty cocktail dress covered in black aquarium rocks.

I don't know how to feel about this dress. On one hand, that skirt might be detachable and I have serious feelings about skirts that detach. It looks like something Lucille Ball would've worn to a funeral party in the 80s. On the other hand, methinks that skirt wasn't detachable, because if it was it would've detached itself from that annoying ass ho as she gave another annoying ass acceptance speech (click here to see it). Bitch is always out of breath and she tries really hard to come across as humble, but she's about as humble as Kanye West.

On a positive note, I am starting to like the mop on Anne Hathaway's head. She obviously goes to the same barber as John Krasinski. If she shaved her sides, she'd have Justin Timberlake hair. I bet during commercials breaks, Justin and Anne shared a flat iron and a can of AquaNet in the ladies lounge.

Here's a few pictures from last night's SAGs. In order!: Peter Pan in funeral drag, Jaimie Alexander, Dr. Blossom, Jessica Chastain, B. Coop, Marion Cotillard, Claire Danes, a construction worker, Michelle Dockery, Nurse Jackie, Tina Fey, Jennifer Garner, the owner of the Hammaconda with Jennifer Westfeldt, Julianne Marguiles, Taye Diggs with Idina Menzel, Julianne Moore, Amy Poehler, Amanda Seyfried, Timberlake, Sofia Vergara and Naomi Watts.

The Dark Knight Rises (aka Batman Takes A Viagra) premiere went down in NYC last night and cam whore turned action star Tom Hardy came out with his piece Charlotte Riley and a freshly manicured and groomed beard. Tom Hardy's beard used to look like it was harvested on (NSFW) Demi Moore's pussy, so thankfully he cut that shit on Christian Bale's razor sharp cheek bones. Don't get me wrong, I love a bushy face shrub that can exfoliate your thighs while polishing your labias, but his newly pruned beard really makes them dick sucking lips pop. Those lips are so luscious that he can practically give you a quick beej just by puckering at you from across the room.

So Christian Bale was also there last night, DUH, with his wife Sandra and so was Anne Hathaway. Let's stop at Anne for a second. Anne's Sandy Duncan ass haircut sometimes looks good and other times, like this time, it makes her look like Cesar Romero in a touring production of Peter Pan. Moving on... Also there was Marion Cotillard (as a swollen eyed swan... beware of orange eyeshadow), Cillian Murphy, the hottest bitch on the carpet Gary Oldman with his wife Alexandra, Morgan Freeman and Joseph Gordon-Levitt who recently offended pretty women by saying that pretty women aren't funny. JGL needs to get an eyeball transplant, because there's a million women who are both pretty and funny. I mean, what about the most beautiful and funniest woman on the planet Carrot Top? The audacity of some bitches.