Madonna

This is baby Jessica, no not the one that fell into that well, another one. She's from Malawi, the same place where Madge adopted David Banda. She wants to adopt 18-month-old Jessica, but the problem is that an Australian couple already has dibs on her. Two Australian missionaries are afraid that their adoption plans are in jeopardy, because of Madge.

The couple said, 'We knew Madonna was at the orphanage and she had met all the kids but we were already in the process of adopting Jessica and we hope we will be successful'.

If Madge doesn't get Jessica, she might not have to wait long for another. David Banda's father has remarried and his new wife is expecting their child. Madge can get this one right out of the oven!

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Here we go again! This hag cannot take a damn break. Madonna is working with Agnetha Faltskog and Frida Lyngstad from ABBA for her new album. Madge has already sampled the duo’s “Gimme Gimme Gimme” for “Hung Up” from her last album, “Confessions of an Aging Vagina.”

A source close Madge said, “Madonna has been in contact with Agnetha and Frida for a few months. Madonna was the driving force behind the idea because she was so happy with her sample of Gimme Gimme Gimme on Hung Up. Agnetha and Frida loved it, they really warmed to Madonna for rejuvenating one of their most famous tracks.”

Recording is set to start in the next few weeks. Why?! Homegirl just bought a damn baby. Doesn’t she want to play with her new purchase before she starts working again? I mean…even her face is asking her for a vacation.

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Here's a funny video of the people that brought you the crazy Beyonce video. It's three segments of Madge's career: Burning Up, Justify My Love and Hung Up. Bravo again to Greg Scarnici for doing another hot job. My favorite is the first part, because whenever I watch that video I envision Madonna getting ran over by the car.

Madge is sporting a bruised face after she was shoved by a paparazzi at London's Heathrow airport. She was carrying her new son, David, when the photographer ran into her. A source said, "She had the baby in her arms when it happened. When she landed in London, there was a lot of pushing and shoving. She was jostled around. She got hit in the paparazzi's commotion."

Please, it was probably just a little shove. The elderly bruise easily.

Pic: Splash
Thanks Youri

In an interview with Time Magazine, Madge sounds like she's talking trash on Angelina Jolie. Since Madge has adopted a baby from Africa, the media has compared her to Angie. She insists the two are nothing alike and her decision to adopt an African orphan had nothing to do with the big-lipped one.

She said, "Look, I could have joined the U.N. and become an ambassador and visited various countries and just kind of showed up and smiled and looked concerned. But that's not getting to the root of the problem – and by the way, neither is building orphan care centers and giving people food and medicine. I'm not interested in going in there like a dilettante and being an idiot and going 'Ok, I'm going to build 10 orphanages and I'll see you guys later!'"

Hmmm....sounds like Angie to me. She just loves to dig her own grave. She wonders why the media and people give her such a hard time? It's because she can't just shut her hag face up. She's a Saint and has a huge heart and a beautiful soul, we got it already.

Here's pictures of Angie with India's junior foreign minister talking about who's going home on the Amazing Race tonight and how they feel about Reese and Ryan's break-up.

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Madge is screwing herself over. She won't stop talking about this adoption thing. Her quotes are amazing though:

This is Madge: "Being married and having kids is not exactly simple no matter who you are. In fact, trying to make those things work is quite a challenge. Sometimes you drop the ball."

This is Me: "Um..so you suck at being a mom and you don't fuck your husband."

This is Madge: "I have to be mom and and wife and there are times when I should have, you know, hung out with my kids, and I just said, "No, I need a massage. I'm gonna do that instead. You know? And I’m gonna be selfish."

This is Me: "So your kids hate you, right? Do they draw pictures of you in flames? Can I have one? I need something to put over my toilet. But as long as it doesn't have any blue in it, that will just clash with everything."

This is Madge: "And you know, my son would say, 'How much longer is this gonna go on for? I mean, when are you gonna just be home?"

This is Me: "I think when he says "this" it means you being his mom. I think he wants you home, so he can kill you. Cause he hates you, you know. I'm sorry, sometimes the truth hurts. Oh and they are so glad you got that African baby, because Africans learn how to fire guns when they are like infants."

This is Madge: "Just staying home and looking after my children and being a mother and a wife is not what I want. I want more."

This is Me: "Ok..riddle me this. If you don't want to be a mother, why the hell did you buy a kid?! I don't want to drive and you don't see me buying a Ford!"

This is Madge: "Um... I do have a terrible temper."

This is Me: "So you hit your kids?"

To see the real interview, click here

Why is the media obsessed with this whole Madonna buying a baby thing?! I mean can't a homegirl buy an African baby in peace?! Jesus! Well, the latest story to hit the papers attacks David Banda's father. Here's the headline in the Daily Mail:

Madonna baby's father dumped him to run off with a new woman

Who cares?! Anyway, the article goes on to say that David's father wanted to be with some chick in another village so he dumped his son in an orphanage to be with his new woman. Ugh. Madonna isn't helping things by talking about it, STILL. She said that David's father hardly visited him.

"If someone had said to me, "His dad comes every week or his granny visits on a regular basis and he's well looked after," I would not even have given it another thought."

She wonders why people are still talking about it? Maybe, because she is. She should honestly just stop talking and it will go away. I'm over it.

Madonna and David Banda arrived in the States yesterday to blab more about the adoption. Madge has already told her story on Oprah, but she isn’t stopping there. She arrived in NYC where she will appear on NBC News, The Today Show and Dateline. Lourdes and Rocco came along for the ride.

In other David Banda news, his birth father has backed off claims that he didn’t know Madge was taking his son for good and now says he is fine with everything. He’s happy that Madge and Guy Ritchie will give his son a good life.

Why is she blabbing about this again? That’s the thing with Madge, she can’t let things go. She went on Oprah and set the record straight, shutting up a lot of people. Don’t we know everything already?

That being said, I want a Banda.

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Sharon Osbourne needs to shut her damn fug trap. I usually love her ass, but lately she’s been on my last nerve. This time she’s going after Madonna and comparing doll-faced, David Banda, to a Louis Vuitton bag. She told Howard Stern, "She bought a baby for God's sake. It's like getting a Louis Vuitton handbag."

"It's a crock of shit. If she wants to help the kid she should have got the father a little trade going, a fruit stand or something like that and built him a mud hut. If the kid is sick then get him a doctor, what was the father supposed to do, he can't read or write. She should have left him in his own culture, that is what I say. Madonna should have given the money to an orphanage, got them a 24-hour paramedic. She bought a baby for God's sake."

Um, excuse me Sharon “used to be a fat hog” Osbourne. What the hell have you done lately? I sort of agree with her, but Sharon has a lot of money and she could easily do something to help children and has she? No! Madge is a hag face, but at least she’s trying to do something with all her cash and celebrity. Sharon is just going on radio shows running her mouth. Bitch needs to go back being a fat hog, so she can stuff that mouth with a Philly cheesesteak to keep it shut.

Damn I want a cheesesteak.

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I'm so sick of that damn accent! Madonna laid it on thick yesterday as she explained to Oprah the reasons for adopting a baby in Africa. We didn't learn anything new. She went into great detail and it almost sounded rehearsed. She wanted to say the right thing and seemed nervous. She came off pretty intelligent and she almost won me over, but I couldn't get her phoney ass accent out of my brains.

She feels that in attacking her and the adoption process, the media is discouraging other people from adopting children. She also said that she didn't receive any special treatment and that everything goes slow in Africa. Later she did say that it is customary to live in Africa for 18 months during the adoption process, but they allowed her to return to London with David instead.

The "Borderline" Madonna was so much more fun. Oprah's eyelashes creep me out. Lastly, David Banda is a doll.