Kate Moss

Even fake ass hair can't stand Kate Moss. A hair extensions freed itself from her skull as she arrived at her hotel in Berlin last night. Some pap picked up the horse hair like he won a prize. Wait, maybe he did win a prize! I bet if he shakes that thing over a mirror, he'd get a couple of coke lines out of it. Score!

Kate Moss was in Berlin to promote her new perfume "Velvet Hour." It probably smells like burnt weave, cokey breath, Dreamboat Dohery's love chunks and crumpets. Basically, it smells delicious.

Dreamboat Doherty used some of his crackie crash to buy a Kate Moss painting as well as a Wino painting last night in London. Metro claims Dreamy paid $10,000 for the paintings. That's a falsity! $10,000 in Monopoly money, maybe! Dreamboat himself isn't even worth $10,000! You can probably buy Dreamy for a half-used Bic lighter and a little heroin residue.

Dreamy said the painting were for his "art collection" at home. Please, you know that's where he hides the good shit.

It warms my coal heart to see that Dreamy still thinks of Kate. I'm sure she thinks of him too. She thinks of him every time she wipes her ass with her special Pete Doherty toilet paper.

Look everyone! It's Mary Poppin Pills! Kate Moss led a trio of merry children through Zuma Beach in Malibu yesterday. The kiddies look so happy to be with Kate. They probably think they are on their way to do a few lines. Lines of Pixy Stix powder of course! We used to snort that shit when I was little. That explains a lot.

First of all, I really hoped that lady farted on The Moss. If you're ass is that close to Kate Moss' face and you don't take the opportunity, then you're a bad and boring person.

Kate Moss landed at LAX last night and created a paparazzi fuckstorm. They act like they've never seen a snagtooth before. Kate arrived with her daughter and some friends with at least two dozens paps on their asses. Everything was set-up for Kate Moss to recreate Bjork's thrilling airport attack on a reporter. I mean, Kate looked piss, her daughter was riding on the trolley and she had the annoying paps all around her. Everything was in place. Unfortunately, Kate decided against that reenactment. It would have been awesome though. I'm sure Kate's rat tooth could do some major pap damage.

Kate Moss was recently in Amsterdam with her Count Von Count boyfriend when she let the words "I'm Getting Married" pass through her snagtooth. The Sun claims Kate shouted those words while hanging out in a bar. Please, we've ALL shouted those words after a few cocktails.

A witness said, “The pair were in a bar looking very loved-up. Kate was so excited it looked like she had just accepted his proposal there and then. She was very happy.

“She came out giggling and seemed a little bit tipsy. Lots of fans were taking her picture on their mobile phones. She told them, ‘I’m getting married.’ One girl asked her when, and she said, ‘Soon’.”

Note to witness: Kate Moss is always tipsy. Kate's friends are happy, because she's not marrying Pete Doherty. They are glad she's finally found someone and won't go back to Pete. YEAH RIGHT! Those two dirty cats were meant to be together. Pete is going to show up to her wedding and serenade her with his crack lullabies and he will be heroin in her hands.

Kate has been engaged to Johnny Depp and Pete Doherty. She didn't marry either one of them. Count Von Count should know that if he wants to stay with Kate, he shouldn't have popped the question. This shit is doommed.

Kate Moss' piece, Jamie Hin, hates all the attention he's getting for dating a major celebrity. He doesn't understand why the paps follow a "nobody" like him around. What's to understand. You're dating SnagTooth Moss! Fug should have thought about that.

Jamiesaid, "It's definitely unwanted. I don't want to be part of lowering cultural standards in any way. If someone like me, who is basically nobody, is reported on for going to a bar... then what have we become?"

Yes our society has gone to shit, but who cares about that! That's not the point. Jamie needs to stop his whining. Dreamboat Doherty would never complain about such nonsense. I'm sure Jamie loves all the new attention his band is getting. He's also giving mixed messages. Here he is in Amsterdam with Kate smiling at the cameras. Don't smile if you hate the attention! Take a note from MiserAlba and scowl at them in disgust.

Kate Moss and Count Von Count are currently in Paris being all in love and shit. They were busted by French Police the other day for allegedly dancing on the grave of Jim Morrison. The two wanted to pay homage to Jim by singing "Alabama Song" on his grave. Their duet quickly broke into them kissing and dancing. They were quickly stopped by the police. A source told the Daily Star (via Showbiz Spy), “The security guard was reprimanded and a giggling - Kate and Jamie were ticked off. It was hilarious and they left to get ready for Jamie’s gig still laughing and singing the main refrain from Alabama Song.”

Barf! I'm surprised the ground didn't shake from all the rolling Jim must have been doing. At least it was just an innocent song and dance. If Kate was still with Pete Doherty, he would have tried to dig up the grave to see what Jim looks like now.

Almost every time I see pictures of Kate Moss, she's being dragged out of a club by her boyfriend, Count von Count. Shouldn't this slag be home reading bedtime stories to her daughter? Bitch is wasted. She probably goes home, knocks over some shit, wakes up her crying daughter and has to tell her in a slurred voice, "Go baaack to beeed. Mummy neeeds quiet time. Shhhhhh"

Drink some coffee Kate. You're getting told for this shit.

It's News of the World time! They always make me laugh. This week they bring us the filthy tale of Kate Moss' birthday orgy! They claim Kate had sexy times with 2 chicks and 1 dude during her birthday blowout. Kate apparently snogged the chicks and dude in her $5,000 a night hotel suite at the Dorchester in front of a crowd of cocaine snorting sickos! Kate's fug ass boyfriend, Jamie Hince, was in the next room while this was going on.

A source said, "Kate was loving the attention from the girls, the bloke—and the crowd. It was standing room only. They were all over each other but it was her night." The source also said that the cocaine and champagne was flowing.

Unfortunately, the orgy didn't include any hardcore sex. BORING!!! What the hell kind of orgy is that? Try again. The source went on to say, "Then the kissing became fondling and everything except full sex followed. Once word got out, everyone was desperate for a peep of Kate."

Kate's party at her hotel suite rang up a bar bill of $70,000. Chump change to Kate.

Oh that Katie! No morals on that girl. Dreamboat Pete Dohery would've never let this happen. He was probably at home, sipping Earl Grey and reading bibles passages while listening to old Donny & Marie records.

Kate Moss' 34th Birthday blowout started at 2:30pm yesterday and it's going. Kate and her guests started boozing at the Dorchester Hotel before continuing their debauchery at Punk night club. When that shit let out they continued to drink to their livers fell out at Kate's house. Don't any of these people have jobs? Is this fucking ancient Greece?

Kate's hard partying is written all over her face. She needs a good scrub. She also needs Dreamboat Doherty back in her life. It's just not the same without him. He was probably standing on his balcony, drinking hot tea (because he doesn't booze anymore...ha!) and singing a lullaby to Kate. It's like the crackhead version of "An American Tail." Cue band! "Somewhere......out there........beeeeeneeeath the pale mooooonlight..someone's thinking ooooof meeee..."

Here's Kate with her guests which included her fugly fug boyfriend, Kelly Osbourne and Ronnie Wood.