Jessica Simpson

What in Paves is this?! Jessica Simpson has debuted a new chestnut/red/thing/ugly/doodoo brown hair color in Los Angeles while partying at Hyde. Jessica has just finished a leg of dates with John Mayer in Florida. She has also kept quiet on her new relationship saying," I want to tell you everything, but I have to sew my lips together."

That ain't such a bad idea! Sew your vagina together too while you've got the machine out.

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Jessica Simpson and John Mayer stopped in Miami yesterday while John tours Florida. They checked into the Four Seasons hotel after arriving from Jacksonville. Jessica is expected to stay with him for two and half weeks. After Florida, they will go to Baton Rouge, Memphis, Oklahoma City and other cities in the South.

Jessica is due to perform with Willie Nelson on February 10th in Dallas.

Remind me again why I care so much? Furthermore, what the hell is she wearing?

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Witnesses say that Jessica Simpson and John Mayer may not be as hot and heavy as they'd like us to believe. Even though they created a paparazzi frenzy outside Nobu in Miami, the pair barely spoke to each other according to their fellow diners.

A witness said, "John was extremely quiet and didn't speak a lot. Jessica just gave a lot of puppy-dog looks and twirled and twisted her hair."

Before leaving, Jessica went to the bathroom for 20 minutes to prepare herself for the paparazzi.

In John's defense, can you imagine having a conversation with Jessica? I'm sure he'd much rather keep mum than talk to her dumb ass.

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Jessica Simpson and John Mayer are now taking their relationship on the road. Jessica has joined John on his tour bus for part of his Florida string of concerts. Jess flew into Miami yesterday where they checked into the Four Seasons before getting on the bus yesterday morning.

John is in Jacksonville tonight, Miami on Friday, Orlando on Saturday and Pensacola next Monday. It's not known how long Jessica will be on the tour for.

Awww...a blossoming romance makes me want to vomit! I just hope that Jessica's attention doesn't keep John away from his blog. I love reading that trash.

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Jessica Simpson and John Mayer reunited in Miami, two weeks after they went public in New York City. The two started their Monday by working out and doing yoga together at a local gym. That night they shared a bottle of water and sushi at Nobu.

A witness said, "They were talking and laughing the whole time. She was constantly fixing herself to make sure she looked her best for him."

John is in Florida to perform a string of concerts.

She looks like a tard and he looks like he'd rather be boning the cameraman! Actually, they sort of make a cute couple. I said sort of. I'm they love each other and the blind item about him is a falsity.

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Jessica Simpson looks like a hooker caught giving a blow job by the coppers as a snapper catches her shopping at Barney's in Beverly Hills. What the hell kind of shirt is that?! If you look up close, those badges probably say "Douche Merit Badge" and "No-Talent Ho Badge."

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Asshole Simpson and Jessica must share broke weaves, because they are rocking the same burnt out polyester rug! Ken Paves is proud of this? The two spent some sibling time during dinner and even shared the same red lipstick. Papa Joe likes his girls with red lips, both uptown and downtown.

It's a slow news day, so here's some pics of Jessica Simpson and John Mayer being drunken messes on New Year's Eve. Yeah, pretty much boresville. Am I the only one that wants to punch Jessica in the mouth?

Thanks Maria

John Mayer and Jessica Simpson spent their New Year's eve making out in front of everyone at the Hudson Hotel in NYC for Christina Aguilera's party. They apparently spent the entire weekend together in NYC are both are happy that the media hasn't really caught wind of them. Um...probably because they don't care?

A source said, "John has been thrilled that they have been tricking the media, but she doesn't really care. His Christmas present to her was a framed copy of the Us Weekly cover that says 'Dumped: John ditches Jessica.'"

The couple are still in NYC at some hotel in SoHo. They probably aren't trying to hide it from the media, they are trying to hide it from Papa Joe! He doesn't want his main piece cheating on him.

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Jessica Simpson left a special holiday message to her fans on SweetKisses:

"happy holidays to all of my fans. i am spending much needed family time in the colorado rockies. i send y'all my genuine huge smile hoping it makes its way to brighten your christmas day...very dorky rhyme, but hey what can i say...i am a dork. daisy doesn't enjoy the role of santa in this picture, but the idea was just too cute to resist. i love all of y'all with my whole heart and my hope is for each and every one of your christmas wishes to come true. thank you for always inspiring me to be better in everything that i do. xo jess"

Can't capitalize much? She failed to mention that Daisy lost it after this picture was taken and mauled her face. Hey, dreams do come true!