Jessica Simpson

I know Asshole's the one carrying eyeliner baby, but Jessica looks like she's holding something too. That dress from the Angelina Jolie maternity collection isn't helping either. Seriously, Jess is the knocked up one and Ass is just pretending. Pete Wentz's vagina jizz can't make a baby! If Asshole's baby doesn't have a chin that sweeps the floor, we'll know who the real daddy and mommy is.

In other Ass news, UsWeekly reports that she's postponed her summer concer tour. Her rep said, "After careful consideration, Ashlee Simpson has decided to postpone her summer tour. She is committed to giving her fans the best show possible, and will be back better than ever and ready to rock in the future."

Summer concert tour? Papa Joe is delusional! Where the hell was she planning on playing? Mini-mall parking lots and middle school cafeterias? The dumb bitch couldn't sell out my bathroom. Besides, there's already enough stinky shit in there. Badum-ching!

Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo are back together, but there are conditions! A source close to Romo.....Okay, before I go any further. Every time I go to type Romo, I accidentally type Homo. Almost every single time! I have homo on my finger tips at all times. Anyway, A source close to ROMO told The Chicago-Sun Times, "'He did agree to go to Ashlee's wedding -- keeping his promise to Jessica. But he made it super-clear that if they were to give it another go, her dad had to seriously back off.''

Romo has agreed to continue his relationship with Jess on a "trial basis" as long as Papa Joe stays away and stops butting in. Romo probably meant that literally. Papa Joe is always sticking his ass in their faces.

Papa Joe is always around. The creepy bitch isn't going anywhere. Every step Romo takes, every move Romo makes, he'll be watching and jacking to him.

Jessica Simpson has gone cuntry in an obvious attempt to resurrect her dead music career. The horse is already dead. She needs to stop torturing it. UsWeekly posted her new county single, "Come On Over." I'll come on over and muzzle the bitch.

That dude behind Tony Romo in the picture above is amazing. Waaasted. Too bad he didn't yack all over Romo's back. So..... Papa Joe's fake love machine is still hard at work. Jessica Simpson and Romo were spotted having dinner at N9NE in Dallas reports the Dallas Morning News:

Saturday night, Tony and Jessica shared a corner booth for two at N9NE Steakhouse in downtown Dallas’ Victory Park. The couple said hello to Cowboys receiver/kick returner Isaiah Stanback who was dining at N9NE with his parents.

On the way out, Tony and Jessica stopped to say hello to another diner and play with her baby girl (foreshadowing?). For the record, Jessica had a steak and Tony had a burger.

She probably stuck the whole steak in her fat mouth too. You know this bitch eats with her mouth wide open with the meat flying everywhere.

In other news, I can't believe I'm posting this inane shit. Papa Joe has gotten to me! His pr magic is working on me. Must resist. MUST.

Jessica Simpson is back in Los Angeles after spending a few days with her parents in Cabo. Jess, Papa Joe and Tina left for Mexico right after Asshole and Vagina got married. Tony Romo did not join them. Good move. Any reason to get out of seeing Papa Joe in a thong is a good reason. It's also not fun watching Papa Joe grease up Jessica with tanning oil.

Notice Jessica's Cowboys ball cap? This means they are sooooo together. Please. Jessica doesn't even know what's sitting on her head. Papa Joe plopped it on her before they get off the plane. He plops a lot of things on Jessica's head without her knowing it.

Customs better check Jessica's mouth for anything that might have flown into her gaping hole. She can't keep that trap shut.

Tony Romo escorted Jessica Simpson to her sister's douche fiesta on Saturday night. Get this shit. Asshole and Pete's wedding reception had an Alice in Wonderland theme. Well, Jessica does make the perfect Tweedledum. Sources told People that Romo and Jessica were very "cozy" during the reception.

A source said, "They were very cozy and cute together. They were kissing and holding hands throughout the night. He was very sweet to her. They were very much a couple."

DUH! Of course they are going to be touching and fake kissing. Papa Joe wants to get his money's worth. You know Papa Joe sat and watched them the whole time to make sure Romo was not breaking their contract. Papa would have watched anyway though. He was looking forward to watching them all week. He cut a hole in his trouser pocket and everything. Easy access.

Star Magazine has a picture of Tony Romo's "mystery blonde." This is the chick that he was chatting up in Chicago. As expected, she's a trick ass ho. Just like Jessica! At least we know Romo has a type. And Romo's no kiwi himself. He looks like he was made from Play-Doh.

A source denies that anything went on between Romo and Lindsey Betrus (the mystery blonde). The source said, "Lindsey is a terrific, down-to-earth woman — and she's never been a Hooters Girl, as some people have mistakenly reported!. And as for her time with Tony, he was totally the aggressor that evening!"

Jessica's whores continue to deny that her relationship with Romo is over just like her career. The Dallas News also claims they broke and said Romo will be Jessica's date to Asshole's wedding this weekend. Of course he will. It's in his contract! Papa Joe probably made him sign it in blood.

The Chicago blog TheseBootsAreMadeForStalking were the first to claim that Jessica and Romo were done. TMZ is also claiming America's most nauseating couple have split up.

Romo was partying with a bunch of dudes this past weekend and told them he broke up with Jessica. He also spent his night with a blonde skank that wasn't Jessica. It's probably a breath of fresh whore to hit up a chick without her daddy hovering around with a camcorder.

Jessica's rep told Access Hollywood that there's "no truth" to the rumors.

I'm guessing renegotiation talks broke down between Papa Joe and Romo. Romo didn't like Papa Joe's latest clause. Papa wants to watch Romo with Jessica at least twice a month. Well, he wants to make sure everything's okay down there.

The KKK skanks have done a PSA about Burma, but it comes off as a completely mockery. The PSA shows Kim trying on dresses while the sisters talk about "Burma's political plight." Cheery music plays in the background. Here's just some of their serious dialogue:

Kim: What's this benefit again for? Burping?

Khloe: Not burping. Burma.

Kim: I was kidding. I wrote my whole thesis on Burma. It's a terrible situation over there.

They go on to poorly recite scripted words about Burma. It ends with Khloe asking Kim if she "really wrote her college thesis on Burma?" Kim responds, "What a thesis? I'm totally kidding."

Kim, You're a dumb skank. I'm totally not kidding.

Even commenters on Kim's blog are offended with this piece of trash! Here's a couple:

"Can we get some more hilarious video's about say 9\11 or other tragic circumstances? I can't wait until you hit 30 and no one cares about you anymore."

"OMG kim ... I can't believe you made a video clip like that about a serious situation. You such a self consumed tramp you seriously have no class or brains. EVERYTHING you do is a joke including this video awareness clip.. I can't believe you actually made fun of something so serious. If your dad was alive he would slap your face from one side to the other ... Your disgusting... Reggie I can't believe your dating a flake like kim .. She's not only bad for you she's bad for your image."

Click here to see their "PSA."

President Bush made a funny about Jessica Simpson in front of the New York Giant yesterday. UsWeekly reports that he said, "We're going to send Jessica Simpson to the Democrat National Convention."

This would have been funny if Cindy McCain had said it. Cindy probably has amazing comedic delivery. Seriously, when is she taking her solo act on the road? Valium will sponsor it.

Bush should not know about this kind of shit! He shouldn't even know who Jessica Simpson is. I'm sure he loves to dance in his underwear to "With You," but still! Doesn't he have better things to think about? Yeah, wrong question.