Sharon Osbourne has officially handed NBC her I QUIT THIS BITCH papers and will not sit with Howard Stern and Howie Mandel at the America's Got Talent judges table next season. No, Sharon didn't quit because she's sick of Howard sneaking into her dressing room to slap her naked ass with bologna slices. Sharon is breaking up with NBC, because she says the network did her son Jack Osbourne dirty.
Jack was supposed to be in NBC's reality boot camp show Stars Earn Stripes, but Sharon tells The New York Post that he was fired shortly after he went public about having MS. Jack never signed a contract to do the show, but Sharon says he had a verbal agreement with the network and showed the Post an e-mail from NBC's VP of talent relations welcoming Jack to NBC. But one month after Jack announced he has MS and two days before shooting started, NBC cut him from the show and said they didn't think he physically could handle some of the show's challenges. Jack told the network he'd pay for his own insurance and said he could handle the show's physical challenges. But that bitchy peacock still shook its head no and said the only thing they can do is pay Jack his full appearance fee. Sharon explained it like this:
"He didn’t want the money. He wanted his gig. It gave him something to look forward to when he was diagnosed. Think of the good that it could have done to show other people who have this [condition] that your life is not over.”
Sharon has a contract with NBC for a few more seasons of AGT, but she says they can't do shit to her except keep her from judging another reality show for the next five years.
"I just can’t be fake. It’s discrimination, and it was badly handled. It’s time to move on. They can’t make me do something I don’t want to do. All they can do is stop me from being a judge on another network for five years."
Jack Osbourne should look at the positive side of this shit. At least he doesn't have to stare up into the clenched ass cheeks of Sarah Palin's husband as he waits his turn to climb the wall. And in other Osbournes quitting things news, Kelly Osbourne has quit her brows:
NOOOOPE. This look is only okay if you're David Bowie, an Alien Nation alien or if your brows fell off because you stared up into the clenched ass cheeks of Sarah Palin's husband while waiting to climb the wall.
(No Brows Kelly picture via @MissKellyO)
Well, if I'm going to give you some shitty news I might as well do it while giving you a picture of Jack Osbourne's French Bulldog making a sad face while trapped in a baby bjorn. It's true that shitty news isn't as shitty when delivered with a French Bulldog in a baby bjorn. Doctors say!
26-year-old Jack Osbourne tells People that just two weeks after his fiancee gave birth to their first kid, a girl named Pearl Clementine, the happiness he felt from breathing in baby diarrhea and wiping baby drool from his shoulder was dimmed by shitty news from his doctor. Jack went in to see the doctor, because he lost 60% of his vision in his right eye. After the doctors ran tests, they told him that he has MS and that's the reason why he lost vision in his eye. Jack tells People that the timing couldn't have sucked more:
"I was just angry and frustrated and kept thinking, 'Why now?' I've got a family and that's what's supposed to be the most important thing. Then I got really sad for about two days, and after that I realized: 'Being angry and upset is not going to do anything at this point—if anything it's only going to make it worse.' 'Adapt and overcome' is my new motto."
Sharon Osbourne told Hello! that after she found out, she asked herself if it was something she ate while pregnant and wondered if it was her fault. Ozzy Osbourne said, "If it was me, you'd think: 'Ozzy had a reputation and it caught up with him', but Jack is such a good guy."
Jack's doctors put him on meds and he will undergo several holistic therapy treatments. Jack's also been told to zen out as much as possible, because stress can flare that shit up. (I guess that means Jack isn't going to watch any old episodes of his family's reality show, because watching that shit is a stressful experience. Worrying about which one of their ten thousand dogs is going to shit on the carpet next is stressful!) Jack should also watch A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes: The Annette Funicello, because it will soothe him to see that despite everything, Annette still has gorgeous eyebrows that look like shooting stars made of hair.