Remember when barf trickled out of your ears when your brain continuously vomited after seeing pictures of Hulk Hogan lotion-ing up his grown daughter's ass? Then remember when your soul cried itself into the fetal position after his phone rang in his sex tape and his ring tone was Brooke's song? Well, here's another nugget from Hulk Hogan that will give you the full body dry heaves. Hulk tweeted this picture of his daughter Brooke Hogan and added the caption: "Brooke's legs."
This sick ass exploding hot dog in a bandanna motherfucker. ("Don't you mean daughterfu..." - you "Stop right there." - me) It's one thing for Hulk Hogan to drool all over his daughter, but it's another to let everyone else know that he drools over Brooke's legs. And when Hulk drools over Brooke's legs, I don't even want to know what he does with that drool. Just like simple math, that's a place my brain never wants to go.
Florida is the land where PCP zombies eat people's faces, Christian Slater's importance isn't recognized, and true beauty is found. It will now have a state restaurant because prototypical Sunshine State resident Hulk Hogan is opening an eatery. Brooke Hogan must need a job, and personal buttocks masseuse to her father has probably taken a John Travolta-esque turn for the worse by now. It's going to be one of those places where the waitresses dress like perky whores, and use their tits to distract you from the fact that the food tastes like shit. Hence the term (via The Huffington Post) "breastaraunt."
[Sidenote - It should be noted that the food at those places is bogus except for the chicken wings at Hooters. Holy Jeezum, those are good. My other fag-o-trons and I often go there just for the wings. We have to use the table tent to shield our eyes from all the orange nyloned cameltoe while we eat, though.]
"Hogan's Beach" is opening on New Year's Eve in Tampa Bay, so I urge you to call for reservations now or download some sort of app to do it in case the line is busy.
He told the Tampa Bay Times that it's "going to be Jimmy Buffett's [Margaritaville] times 10; Hooters times 10" with Hulk Hogan shit on the walls like it was T.G.I.Fuckhead's. It will also feature "a mechanical shark ride, volleyball courts, fire pits, cabanas and tiki huts."
You know, the purpose of this post was to bag on Hulk Hogan's burn victim tits' opening a restaurant. But getting shitfaced and watching drunken Floridian fupa queens break their asses being hurled from a mechanical shark might be a good time. I'm in. I'll just stick to the assuredly overpriced drinks. You can assume that the food is on par with a Guy Fieri venture.