Hot Slut of the Week

Birthdays: Everyday!
Ages: Ageless
Birth Names: Dashaun Williams, Devon Webster, Malechi Williams, Leiomy Maldonado and Jorel Rios

Original Date of HS of the Day: August 18, 2009
Claim to Fame: Vogue Evolution has been throwing the glitter around in the underground "vogue ball" scene in NYC and now they are taking their magic to the mainstream by performing every week on MTV's America's Best Dance Crew.

Where are they now? SPOILER ALERT! During last night's episode, VE was voted on to the next'round. Don't expect to unclench your glazed b-hole just yet, because these hos are going all the way to the top (not that kind of top).

Why are they HS of the Week? Because it's about time the Glittery Gays of the World get their due in the spotlight. Tommy Girl doesn't count! Below is VE's performance last night for the martial arts challenge. This is some Crouching Titties, Hidden Peen shit!

Birthday: 1979ish
Age: 30 (I think)
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: August 16, 2009
Claim to Fame: Johanna is the pride of Finland! Johanna went from "dancer" to overnight superstar model sensation (not really) after she was involved in a sexting scandal with the Foreign Prime Minister. Since then, Johanna has been forced to work the famewhore stroll even though she's really just a modest and reclusive person. Johanna is doing it for her adoring public.

Where is she now? Johanna continues to be one of Finland's busiest models. Click here to see her portfolio (it's blank).

Why is she HS of the Week? Because Johanna is the Jodie Marsh/Shauna Sand/Orit Fux of Finland! And not only does she a face and body that can make a tube of Pillsbury Cinnamon Rolls spontaneously combust, but she also has the voice of a virgin song bird....after being run over by a semi, dragged 500-feet and thrown into a pond full of battery acid. Hear for yourself:

Picture source: Urheiluviikko.net

Birthday: May 6, 19something
Age: ?
Birth Name: ?

Original Date of HS of the Day: August 7, 2009
Claim to Fame: Sandra Rinomato has been selling houses in Toronto, Canada for over 12 years. Homegirl got her own show in Canada called Property Virgins (Property Vaginas to you and me) where she tries to help hos buy their first home. The show also plays in the US on HGTV. Needless to say, I'm hooked like a crackhead.

Where is she now? Pimping out houses, duh.

Why is she HS of the Week? I really thought I was the only one who was addicted to this shit, but after receiving tons of e-mails (aka 4) from hos who also share my love for Sandra, I realize that I'm not alone. How can you not love Sandra? Sandra knows how to give a subtle side-eye when a dumb bitch complains about how the house isn't new enough or the bathroom tile is fugly.

You know, a few weeks ago, I saw this episode which made me want to defend Sandra's honor. Some stupid ass boy was buying his first place. Dude wanted a duplex and not for a lot of money. Sandra did all the work, showed him exactly what he asked for and helped him find the perfect place. Well, he turned around and bought that shit behind her back. Dude shanked her in the back! Sandra is a lady, so she didn't beat him something good, but you know the house Gods frowned up that shit! You know that when he opened the door to his brand new house for the first time after receiving the keys, the whole thing crumbled into a pile of dust. You don't eff with Sandra.

Birthday: March 17, 1954
Age: 55
Birth Name: Lesley-Anne Down

Original Date of HS of the Day: August 1, 2009
Claim to Fame: Lesley-Anne was a child beauty pageant queen (and she'll be one forever....) who went on to star in Upstairs, Downstairs, The Pink Panther Strikes Again, North and South, Dallas and Sunset Beach. Eventually, Lesley landed the role she was born to play: Jackie on The Bold and the Beautiful. Fun fact: Lesley plays Jack Wagner's mom on the show even though she's only 5 years older than his ass! Most actresses would shank a bitch over that, but Lesley is a true professional and thespian!

Where is she now? Duh. Jackie on The Bold and the Beautiful. On today's episode, Jackie got attacked by a cougar on a photo shoot!!! A real-life cougar, not the kind that slobbers over young peen.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because not only is Lesley-Anne the epitome of glamour, but she's also a homewrecker! While Lesley was shooting North and South back when she still had her original face, she did illegal sexy times with the cinematographer. They both left their spouses for each other and are still together. We all know I have a fascination with bull dozer vaginas.

Image: Soapnet

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: Maru with a Japanese last name

Original Date of HS of the Day: July 26, 2009
Claim to Fame: Maru became a viral superstar sensation for starring in YouTube videos of him jumping out of boxes and getting stuck in things. Pussy is more talented than 95% of the whores in Hollywood. I bet Heidi Montag can't even open a box on her own, let alone jump in and out of one. That wasn't meant to sound nastay.

Where is he now? This is his website and it almost documents his every move. So you can really know where he is every second.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because pussies going spastic usually make me feel queasy, but I can't get enough of Maru. I think it's time to clone him. Below is a video featuring my reasons for making that statement:

Birthday: July 3, 1966
Age: 43
Birth Name: Sandra Lee Christiansen

Original Date of HS of the Day: July 15, 2009
Claim to Fame: Your guess is as good as mine. No, Sandra Lee got famous by going to the grocery store, buying a bunch of stuff that is already made and then presenting it in front of Food Network cameras. She doesn't do anything! She might be a genius.

Where is she now? Probably still passed out face first in one of her tablescapes after having too many "semi-homemade" glasses of Hpnotiq and blueberries.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because she might be a drunky (and a crazy). And she's the last person on planet earth who should have their own cooking show. This makes her really hot. Below is just a sample of Sandra's amazing skills:

You too can get away with serving your family something that looks like it came out of an asshole if you just introduce it by saying, "LOOK AT THAT!!"

*Note: No, my ass didn't do HSOTW last week, so I'm playing catch up. You can punish me later. Just make sure I can at least sit on my side the next day.

Birthday: February 26, 1961
Age: 48
Birth Name: Miko Castaneda Brando

Original Date of HS of the Day: July 9, 2009
Claim to Fame: Miko Brando was to be a star thanks to Marlon's sperm and Movita's egg. Yeah, I didn't know until recently that Miko's mother was Ana on Knots Landing! Miko is best known for being Michael Jackson's bodyguard/friend. Dude was even in the Thriller video for a quick millisecond.

Where is he now? Hopefully, trying to break Bubbles free so that they can form a new pop duo sensation (with no help from Joe Jackson, thank you). For serious, Miko is probably helping Larry King cross the street right now. They are seem to be bestest friends.

Why is he HS of the Week? Because he wears Hawaiian shirts like a second skin and I can appreciate that. Also, his mother played fucking Ana on Knots Landing! Duh.

Birthday: September 29, 1956
Age: 52
Birth Name: Jane Velez-Mitchell

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 30, 2009
Claim to Fame: Jane has been a TV shouter (aka commentator) on every damn network from KCAL in L.A. to E! to Court TV.

Where is she now? Jane has her own show on HLN called Hair Issues with Jane Velez-Mitchell!

Why is she HS of the Week? The dyke mullet! Durrr. And Jane is a former boozehound, who yaps about it all the time. So she gets major points for that She's also an open gayelle (just call her Jane Velezzie-Mitchell!). Do you think she's ever scissored Nancy Grace after both of them had too many Mud Slides at TGI Fridays?

Below is a clip of Jane in action. I'm not sure what she's saying, because ears are temporarily out of service due to all her shouting. But the bitch knows how to point! That's a strong finger there! I bet she finger bangs like a motherfucker!

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: I don't know, but please tell me her real last name is Fux. I want to marry her just so I can change my name to Michael Fux. Doesn't it sound like that's the way it was meant to be?

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 23, 2009
Claim to Fame: I just became aware of this refined beauty, but from what I know she's a model/actress/mess/toxic zone in Israel. Orit also claims to have the biggest plastic tittays domes in Israel.

Where is she now? Probably breastfeeding a baby giraffe, because they are like her children. Click here to see a video of Orit showing her maternal-side with some giraffes. It's a good thing her chichis look like unripe watermelons or they would've bit at them.

Why is she HS of the Week? Because Orit is the Shauna Sand and Jodie Marsh of Israel! Take a trip down elegance lane and gaze at some of Orit's beautiful pictures. Orit is not copying Pamela Anderson, Pamela is copying her. That's just fact.

Birthday: ?
Age: ?
Birth Name: Strawberry Hill

Original Date of HS of the Day: June 20, 2009
Claim to Fame: Boone's Farm was founded in 1873, but it didn't become a classic until they started selling malt liquor for those with finer tastes. Strawberry Hill was their second flavored nectar of the gods. Apple was the first.

Where is it now? Probably getting some high school student drunk for the first time. Strawberry Hill really is an important part of a teenager's life.

Why is it HS of the Week? Because you whores sent me some beautiful stories about your first dance with Strawberry Hill. One of you toasted with it at your wedding (a truly elegant affair) and another of you skanks barfed it up on a dude who was about to take your V-card. Touching stories all around.

Here's a Strawberry Hill commercial from the olden times. The Strawberry Hill granny is a real gangsta. "One sip and it's Strawberry Hill forever" is RIGHT.