Once upon a two years ago, a brain-dead slut baby trapped inside of the body of an Armenian whore bag got pimp slapped by the hand of a 20-year-old party girl trapped in the body of a Demi Moore. It all started when Kim Kardashian's useless ass Tweeted that she was out "big pimpin" with her girlfriends. Now, Pimp Mama Kris should've been the one who pimp slapped that trick for not knowing her place as a common ho. But it was Demi Moore who dragged Kim to the classroom and tried to school her on the meaning of "pimp."
Demi tried to get it through Kim's vapid head that her use of the word "pimp" was glamorizing sex slavery. It was seriously a meeting of the stupids and I completely forget about it. Well, Kim didn't forget about it and Janet Charleton (via Jezebel) says that she dedicated a special song to whippit-loving Demi at Elton John's Oscar party:
At Elton John’s party Kim was heard making fun of the fact that Demi was caught doing drugs with much younger friends -“she called ME immature!” Kim laughingly requested a song “dedicated to Demi” – the song was Devo’s “Whip It!”
And during karaoke night in rehab tonight (please tell me they have karaoke night in rehab), Demi will dedicate the following songs to Urinal Kim: "Splish Splash," "Yellow" by Coldplay, "What the Water Gave Me," "Raindrops Falling On My Head" and David Chappelle's "Piss on You."
Any normal celebrity couple would answer to the rumors that their marriage has been drowned in a pool of crotch nectar from the husband's side piece by issuing a simple statement that reads: "True" or "Not true" or "Your business: mind it." But Ashton Kutcher and Demi Moore aren't even in the same universe as normal and have answered to the rumors by dropping philosophical balls of shit and clues on their Twitter pages. Dumi's stupid ass wrote the first chapter of The Da Douche Code when she quoted Greek philosopher Epictetus days before Star Magazine said her marriage was lying on a table in the morgue.
"When we are offended at any man’s fault, turn to yourself & study your own failings. Then you will forget your anger."
The second chapter was written by Ashton when he Tweeted a link to his Spotify account where Public Enemy's "Don't Believe The Hype" plays. A few days before Ashton's Tweet, Demi Tweeted the picture above of her doing an impression of the current catatonic state of her marriage and she added the note: "I see through you."
This is what happens when your brain gets fed with too much Oprah. It makes a bitch think she's a regular philosophical performance artist. Rumer Willis, go poke at your mama with your chin and tell her she's won. We won't complain about her desperate bathroom bikini photo shoots as long as she promises to queef the wannabe Maya Angelou act from her being.