Fergie

Fergie is giving it to us on a shiny toilet seat! Bitch is setting herself up! WWD says that the Dutchess of Diapers has a signed a multi-year deal with Avon, and her first project with them will be a fragrance. For real, Fergie must love people taking the piss out of her.

Fergie's fragrance will be out next year. It will available through your local Avon lady (there's two in every family) or you can buy it in urinal cake form at any gas station off the highway.

They haven't come up with a title yet, but methinks they can't choose between "Meth Meth Lemonade" or "Eau De Ewww."

The Black Eyed Peas have a new album coming out soon which means it's time for Fuggie Fug to start barfing up a bunch of shit nobody wants to hear about. Fuggie tells The Sun that in their new video, she engages in a little pussay-on-pussay action and it's something she's done off camera before as well. Fuggie said, “Put it this way, I’ve experimented definitely, but I have never had a steady girlfriend.”

Why do these raggedy celebwhores always think shit like this is shocking? Big deal. So Fuggie let another chick tongue tickle her meth 'gina. SO WHAT. I mean, we've all gotten a little lesbionic at one time or another. I've got dick on the tongue all day and all night, but even I have pet the wet cat. It was junior high school and it was the 90s. That's what you did back then!

This is the first trailer for Nine and it kind of has me feeling tingly for a couple of reasons. First, this shit has always been one of my favorite musicals ever and second, Daniel Day-Lewis DANCES! When I watched There Will Be Blood, I immediately thought to myself that it would be so much better if he was singing and dancing around the whole time. I mean, a musical number called "I Drink the Milkshake" would have been spectacular. Since that didn't happen, this is the next best thing.

Nine also stars a bunch of chicks who belong in this movie like Sophia Loren, Marion Cotillard, Penny Cruz and Judi Dench. There's also some hos (point at Fergie & Kate Hudson) who must have licked the right taint to get cast. When they hit the screen, that's when I hit the toilet! As for Nicole Kidman, the jury is still out on that bitch. I can't tell from the trailer if she moves her face or not. If she's able to frown even a bit, they should give her every award imaginable. That's a major feat in itself!

The pap who got this picture is pure evil for putting some no-no-killing images in my head. Fuggie + 69 + taco = weepy genitals.

IN THIS ECONOMY, 69 cents for Fuggie's charbroiled taco is still robbery. And you do not want to be anywhere near that taco when it pops! Because when it pops, the golden showers come a' flowing. NO.

Some bitch dropped a wet caca on Fuggie's hair and she debuted the new look last night at the March of Dimes' Beauty Ball in NYC last night. More like the Doody Ball.

The new hair still doesn't wash out the meth from her face. In fact it makes her look even more like she's going to give you a poison apple while cackling.

If Cher got caught in a meth lab explosion, this is what she would look like after. Seriously, the diarrhea brown might look better if it was curly or some shit. The straight hair looks like two curtains framing her face. And Fuggie's face should never be the star of the show.

I'm pretty sure UsWeekly screwed up that quote from Fuggie Fug. What she really said is, "I held back the crotch tears." Obviously, she did a bad job and that's why she had to pose with her ass to the camera. Hiding the piss stains!

But seriously, Josh looks like he's posing in a JcPenney catalog and Fuggie's dress looks like it came out of one. That's the kind of tight shit you wear to the prom when you don't want to want to give up the panty. True story. One of my slutty friends in high school bought the tightest and longest prom dress she could find because she said she didn't want to be tempted to fuck her boyfriend in the bathroom. If she wore a skin-tight dress it would be too much work. She did it anyway in the parking lot.

Image VIA Cover Awards

Josh Duhamel and Fuggie Fug are officially man and methface! Everyone, piss your pants in honor of this glorious marriage! Go ahead, let is flow! That's what Fuggie would want.

People says that the two made it legal at some grapeyard in Malibu. By People's description, the wedding sounds like some tacky shit. Fuggie wore Dolce & Gabbana and carried a bouquet of white flowers, crystals meth rocks. She had 10 bridesmaids all dressed in black. The reception tent was filled with forest trees and lights.

The guests included Becky Romjin Lettuce, Jerry O'Connell, AC Slater, Kid Pebble, Slash, Kate Hudson, Vanessa Marcil and some other stupid whores. That guest list is probably going to be the cast of Dancing with the Has-Beens in like 5 years. Real talk.

If Fuggie didn't invite her bitches from Wild Orchid and Kids Inc., she has a heart of caca (and meth). Actually, they probably were there. They served canapes during cocktail hour.

I'm sure Josh and Fuggie's marital union will last foreeeeever. Or until Josh meets and falls in love with this hot methface.

Josh Duhamel and Fuggie Fug will become man and methface on January 10th in Los Angeles so says People. The two became promised to each other last year. Apparently, the guest list will include Kate Hudson, Nicole Kidman and fellow piss-lovers R. Kelly and Kim KardASSIAN. I lied about those last two, but Fuggie should invite them, because pee pee admirers should stick together.

Maybe Depends can make a special one-of-a-kid lacy blue diaper for Fuggie on her special day? Instead of throwing rice, the guests will throw Detrol LA pills. Josh should agree to stay with Fuggie through pissness and health and for richer or pee-er. And at the end of the ceremony, the preacher will say "you may now change the bride's diaper." I can go and on. Fuggie's pissy pussy never gets old!

This is one of the first pitchers of Rob Marshall's Nine starring Daniel Day-Lewis and a bunch of broads. The picture needs a little visit from Photoshop, because it's looking like a pageant photo from Miss Drag Queen World 2008. In case you have no idea who some of those bitches are, they are from left to right:

Judi Dench (in the Suri wig), Penny Cruz, Marion Cotillard, Sophia Loren, Fuggie Fug, Nicky Kidman, Kate Hudson and some random trick in the back trying to sneak into the picture.

Of course, Nicky has to have the spotlight on her wax figure-looking ass. It's probably not even a spotlight. It's the toxic glow you get from too much Botox.

The people in front of Fuggie must be wearing raincoats and carrying umbrellas. Fuggie's got her legs open for business and she's a known squirter.

Wait...I think that's Daniel Day-Lewis' head down below in front of Fuggie's geyser hole.... I really, really hope he was wearing a gas mask.

The movie version of the Broadway musical "NINE" started out with a pretty hot cast, but now producers are filling the other roles with pieces of trash!

Javier Bardem was originally cast in the lead role, but he dropped out because he was too tired or something like that. Daniel Day-Lewis quickly replaced him. Nicole Kidman, Penny Cruz, Judie Dench, Marion Cotillard and Sophia Loren were announced as his female co-stars. Totally hot, right?

Well, now E! reports that Kate Hudson has joined the cast and Fuggie Fug is in talks for a role. NO! Way to meth it up. Kate will play a Vogue journalist named Stephanie. Fuggie might be up for the role of Saraghina, a whore. No, she's really a whore. If old-faced Fuggie joins this shit, they will have to change the title to "NINETY."

Daniel needs to stay away from the Fuggie. She will only piss on him! He likes milkshakes, not meth piss!