Brats

Lisa Marie "I'm not fat, I'm pregnant" Presley is having twins according to Star Magazine. Lisa Marie is 4-months knocked up by husband #4, Michael Lockwood. One of the twins is a boy. She has to name him Elvis or I will never forgive her. Ok, she can name him Jacko too and I'll be ok with that. I know her heart still belongs to him.

A source told Star, "Michael told me that he and Lisa have been trying to get pregnant for about a year. He also said that they had a sonogram two weeks ago, and [one] baby opened its legs, and they saw something!' Michael was beaming." Already opening its legs?! What a tramp.

Seriously though, in vitro babies are everywhere now. I think this is Tom Cruise's doing. Angelina Jolie's growing child army is making him nervous, so he's forcing all the Scientology chicks to carry as many babies as possible. We've got a Scientology and Brangelina war on our hands. I'm just waiting to hear that Madonna is knocked up with triplets, because the Kabbalaballaaha skanks must also get in on the action.

It's a miracle! JLo finally delivered her twins in her special hospital suite at North Shore University Hospital on Long Island shortly after midnight today reports People. JLo's rep confirmed she had a boy and a girl. The girl was born at 12:12 a.m. and weighed 5 lbs. 7 oz., and the boy followed at 12:23 a.m., weighing 6 lbs.

Their rep said, "Jennifer and Marc are delighted, thrilled and over the moon." Jennifer is the size of the moon is probably what he meant to say. JLo is probably already on the phone screaming things at her people. She probably doesn't understand why her babies don't have hair and she wants answers! She's also bringing hair and make-up people in to get her babies ready for their photo shoot. They can sleep when they are dead! It's money-making time.

I'm on the edge of my oatmeal bowl waiting to hear the names. Just name one of them "Escandalo" and I'll be your biggest fan, JLo.

Chris Noth and his girlfriend, Tara Wilson, welcomed a baby boy on Friday. Their rep told People, "I am happy to confirm that Chris Noth and Tara Wilson are the proud parents of a happy and healthy baby boy." He weighed in at 7lbs, 10oz.

They have named him Orion Christopher Noth.

When I first saw the name Orion, I thought I was reading Onion. Onion makes me think of onion rings which makes me think of a double cheeseburger which makes me think of a chocolate shake which makes me really hungry. Any name that immediately conjures up the vision of a well-balanced meal is ok with me.

Honestly though, Orion? Is their baby an 85-year-old man?!

Jonny Fairplay from Survivor and Michelle Deighton from America's Next Top Model have a kid. Try not to look so thrilled. PageSix.com reports the couple welcomed a baby girl this morning and named her Piper Addison. I'm surprised they aren't already selling the baby pics. Didn't they sell their damn ultrasound scans?

Jonny said, "I am so happy, this is crazy! I am a dad, I am about to go and smoke a cigar!"

The couple plan to get married this Spring.

Great now this jackass can go on another reality show and make up a lie that his baby was injured in an accident to gain sympathy. He would totally do it. Remember when he lied about his grandmother dying, so he could win a challenge? I think CPS should be on-call just in case.

I think that's Jonny's panty pudding all over their faces.

Xtina and Bat Boy popped out a baby boy last night at 10:05. On the dot. Well, she popped it out and he probably watched while hanging from the ceiling. It was reported that she gave birth on Friday, but she held out for Saturday. They have named him Max Liron Bratman.

Their spokeswhore said, "Christina and Jordan are proud to announce the birth of their son Max Liron Bratman. He is a beautiful, healthy baby boy!" He came in at 6 lbs., 2 oz. and 20.5 inches. Damn, they really give you all the info. I'm surprised they didn't tell us if they circumcised him or not.

Congrats to tangerine and the bat!

Source: People